Talking About Sex Work

Last Friday was International Sex Workers’ Rights Day (ISWR), and I posted a stream of tweets urging my followers to support their sex worker friends, to talk about their positive experiences, and to help normalize the idea of sex work. I want to be part of a society that values personal freedoms, recognizes intelligent choices, and supports human rights. I want to live in a world where putting sex industry work experience on a resume is a boon rather than a hindrance. A world that is open to various perspectives and can understand the positive impact sex workers can have on individuals.

Who am I?

I have been a professional whore* for 5 years now. I have been an escort**, a phone actress, and now I am a webcam model. I come from a traditional Chinese family who made sure I had everything I needed growing up. I have a degree in an applied science from a reputable school (in fact it’s ranked #1 in the country for my area of study). I have worked at a bookstore, a clothing store, a research lab, a hospital, and a restaurant. None of the pieces of my work/academic history would point to any consideration for the sex industry, but I cannot see myself switching professions any time soon.

Why did I choose sex work?

My primary motivation was that it was something new and exciting. I had been watching tv shows, and reading books about the women who had a space to flaunt their sexuality. At that time I had just finished a monogamous relationship that was not going open. I was meeting people off dating websites, but I was very unsure of myself sexully. I wanted more experience, and I wanted the best kind of sexual education. Getting paid to play.

On the other hand, my justification for allowing myself to do it, was that I needed money for school. The story that I told myself and my clients when I started was that I could not keep up with the competitive nature of my school and still work a part-time job. Especially since even working part-time would not really pay for my schooling. It was 13K tuition a year; I did not have any savings because my parents had promised to pay for school, but my dad lost his job that year, and my mom was immobile due to her spine. I could have taken on the loans as every other student does, and pay it off for the following years, but the thought of enslaving myself in the future was not the bright and beautiful life I was picturing post-university.

Why am I still in the industry?

In all honesty I could dedicate a whole book on the positives of the sex industry, but let us enumerate a few, and I will go in depth in a later post.

  1. The people. Beautiful, sexy, confident, open-minded, and intelligent women and men are my peers and co-workers. These are the people that have passion projects and pursuits as well as the time and resources to dedicate to them. Whether it is in the area of personal growth, humanitarian effort, spiritual development, or social impact, these amazing human beings are going to have the influence and connections to make the ripples and the waves.
  2. Forging Connections. Kind-hearted, supportive, open-minded, and outrageous are the people I get to encounter on an on-going basis. In a world where isolation and human contact seems to have become more pervasive due to increase in technology and wealth, I am blessed to be in a position where I can brighten up gloomy days, contribute pleasure to lives, and inspire others with my art. And it is not just a one way lane, it is definitely a two way street. When I’m having a bad day my chatroom is sometimes the first to know, and they will help light me up. Yesterday in fact, a friend reached out to catch-up because he had a feeling I might be down.
  3. The perks. The pay is much higher than minimum wage. The flexibility is all yours. You choose when you want to work, and if you want to work. Travel and vacation time is generous. Work is pleasure. You could be broadcasting from a gorgeous vacation home (webcam modeling), or traveling to meet a gentleman (escorting) in an exotic locale. Your fans spoil you with attention, gifts, and adoration.
  4. The stories. Sexuality is so diverse and fantastic. When you live in a world where tied balls, and foot fetishes are the norm, the stories can only get wilder. I have pushed various fruits out of my lady parts. Gotten adventurous outside in the snow. Held a paintbrush and painted with my pussy. Poured syrup and chocolate milk all over my body. Supervised a pet sticking needles between the webbing of his feet. Watched a man penetrate his anus with a toothbrush and then brush his mouth with it, after asking him to send me a picture with a lightbulb in his ass. XD

Am I “out” of the sex worker closet?

Every new person I meet will likely know about what I do within the first 10 minutes of talking. I like to lead a cohesive life. I like to be open about my experiences and who I am as a person. Being in this industry has contributed so much to my personal growth and my views on sexuality. My family on the other hand, I’m still working up the courage to tell. Incidentally my sister messaged me on ISWRD, and this was the exchange we had:

My sister (grey) asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I (blue) asked her to be supportive of my choices.

Working in the sex industry can be extremely lonely and isolating for many people. I have met many women in the industry who find that their work alienates them from existing friends and potential romantic lovers. It is also one of the number one concerns of people who are thinking about joining the industry. Living in fear of judgement from others is a horrible thing, whether it is real or perceived. I urge you all to share your positive experiences with sex work so that we can work to destigmatize the sex work industry.

*I use the word whore to denote a woman who has been paid for providing sexual services. I believe in the reappropriation of words and meaning. The only reason the word has negative connotations is because we think negatively of women who get paid for pleasure. Change the meaning, keep the word.

** If you’re curious about my experience as an escort have a read through this blog.