Facing the Future with Courage

“Have no fear of the future. Let us go forward into its mysteries, tear away the veils which hide it from our eyes, and move onwards with confidence and courage”. — Winston Churchill

Fear drives so much of what we do and don’t do in our personal and professional lives. And most of the time, we are unaware it’s happening. When faced with a new or stressful situation, we’re more likely to let ingrained, rote behaviors “drive the car.” It’s our subconscious’ way to control the situation.

Recently, I had to face — and resolve — lots of issues I’d never dealt with when my husband had knee-replacement surgery. I noticed that being in the presence of body issues brings out all types of reactions. Our responses to our own and to another’s physical pain are hardwired and very habitual, causing us to take conscious actions to assure our survival!

What do you do when faced with fear? Chances are you utilize one or more of these four destructive behavior types — even though they were sometimes counterproductive. I utilized all four of these behaviors after my husband’s surgery:

· Intimidator behavior

· Poor-me behavior

· Interrogator behavior

· Aloof behavior

Intimidation: “I pushed the nurse’s button four times because my husband needs pain medication, and no one showed up! I need a nurse now!” (Intimidation is an example of the destructive behavior “Power.”)

Poor Me: “I can’t sleep in this straight back chair. I have a really bad back.” (Poor Me is an example of the destructive behavior “Dependent.”)

Interrogation: “I know our doctor is out of town, but when are we going to get the paperwork for home health support? Do you have to process that paperwork? Did you actually talk to the surgeon? What were his recommendations? When will we get answers?” (Interrogation is an example of the destructive behavior “Oppositional.”)

Aloofness: “I can’t fill out a satisfaction survey now. I need to focus on my husband!” (Aloof is an example of the destructive behavior “Avoidance.”)

I found my responses interesting because they were prime examples of defensive behaviors. I also saw my responses as a perfect opportunity to replace defensive behaviors with constructive ones. How? By taking intentional steps to shift out of the rote reactions of the subconscious to the conscious.

We actually can choose to behave differently. We just have to know what the vision of “better” looks like. So how do we flip from the (subconscious) defensive behaviors of intimidation, poor me, interrogative, and aloofness to conscious constructive behaviors? Use SCARS [link to one of the articles.]

· S = STOP allowing fear to trigger subconscious behaviors,

· C = COURAGEOUSLY calm your fear,

· A = ALLOW positive connectivity with another,

· R = REINVENT path forward,

· S = SHARE in your success.

As soon as you start experiences any of these four controlling styles, seek out its opposite:

1. Instead of “Power” through intimidation, choose a “Humanistic/Encouraging” behavior like: “I know you want the best for your patients! You have been so helpful to us! But your summoning system us not working.”

2. Instead of the “Dependent” behavior, such as when you are in “poor me mode,” engage in “Achievement” behavior like: “I found a recliner in room 6 that’s not in use and will move that to my room unless you have plans for it tonight.”

3. Instead of “Oppositional” behavior, like when you interrogate someone, adopt a “Humanistic” approach like: “Dr Jones, thank you for stopping in. Our service in this hospital has been superb, and we want to continue this trajectory when we move to home care. Thank you for your support in getting my husband the care he needs!”

4. Instead of “Avoidance” or aloof behavior, have the courage to accept what is and rise to the occasion with “Self-actualization” behavior: “I would be happy to do the survey. I will do it with my husband.”

These examples require us to be present and make conscious choices. If we allow our past programming to become a trap, it creates a barrier between us and the freedom to choose what we really want instead. When we remove fear, we can devote our full attention to the behaviors that are needed to move forward with courage.

Kathy Hagler, PhD, is founder of K2OHSOLUTIONS and author of Art of Scars (Sept. 2021). Known as an organizational healer in the industry, Hagler partners with organizations through good times, crises, challenges, and obstacles, and moves their culture, climate, and character forward with clear vision, strategic intent, and success in an everchanging world. Mentored by both Dr. Peter Drucker and Dr. W. Edwards Deming, long considered the fathers of management, Hagler is, herself, a pioneer in the field of organizational development. To learn more about Hagler or Art of Scars, go to www.kathyhagler.com.