REFRAME YOUR BUSINESS, AND DO IT JUST FOR YOU {I’m done with trying to save you}

“It’s not what you believe you can achieve that will get you there, it’s what you decide you can’t NOT, and lock in as done”.

This is how I started my blog this morning, so yes, I’ve evolved to where I now quote myself in appropriate quotation marks, but as soon as I wrote the first line, I knew –

It was shit.

I mean, yes. It ISN’T what you believe which will get you there, it absolutely IS what you decide and then lock the fuck in, but really?

Who cares.

You should already know that. I feel like if you don’t KNOW that already then you and I just ain’t a fit and won’t NEVER be. (Send me to the grammar police, GO AHEAD).

Anyway –

Sometimes I get sick of saying things over and over again, and I DEFINITELY get bored with myself when I’m turning a one-line STATEMENT OF MOTHERFUCKING FACT into an entire freaking blog post.

It’s almost as though I’m just forcing myself to write something for the sake of it, you know? Because it’s my thing. Because I have to show up! Because I think that maybe you need to hear it again and again and again before you REALLY GET IT.

I couldn’t even bring myself to keep writing beyond the first line though, so bored was I already with myself, so I penned a question, to help me unleash:

“What do people really need to hear from me today?”

An oldie, but a goodie.

And then it hit me:

Fuck ME. Why the FUCK am I asking that? REFRAME, mofo, I said to myself — !

Who CARES what they need to hear from me, what do I need to SAY? For ME baby, not for you. Actually, I talk a lot about how EVERYTHING I write I write first and foremost for me, but the truth is there’s an element there also, of wanting to make sure I write something GOOD. Something which will get me seen, heard, liked, validated, something which will PROVE I am WORTHY.

That little girl from way back is still always looking for proof

It’s tough to ever completely let go of that need to have others accept us. I know for me it’s something I need to choose to consciously tune in to, often, To remind myself, that hey — ‘

I’m doing this for me bitches.

The writing, the art, the message, in fact my ENTIRE FUCKING BUSINESS –

I’m doing it for me.




Yesterday, two things happened which caused me to remember that it doesn’t matter a jot what YOU or anybody else thinks about what I create.

1) I saw a FB post which said something to the effect that if you have to convince people to be motivated / take action / etc, they’re not your true people. That they should ALREADY GET IT and be living it. I wish I could remember whose post it was, and I’d shout them out. Anyway, this concept is profoundly TRUE, and I’ve long preached it myself.

I’m not here to CONVERT people, I’m here to speak to those who already have an ear to listen, who are ALREADY the same person as me, who come to me because I help them to be MORE of who they ARE, not because I somehow magically fashion them into a success-minded person where once they were not.

I look at my current client list and see that I have fully embodied what I preach here as well. My clients are without exception ALREADY SUCCESSFUL BADASSES when they come to me.

Once upon a time, when I was less sure of myself and less okay in filtering people OUT, I’d sign up anyone who wanted me to SAVE them. They thought that if they paid me they’d become successful. I allowed them to think that. This did not bode well, for either of us.

But still, when I saw this post yesterday, it made me realise:

Tune in to these sort of truths. Ever more ever more ever more. No matter how much you already believe or teach or preach or even live by something, the more you tune in and LOCK it in the better. It’s like being on a journey, having the destination in mind, not noticing you’re drifting, slightly off course, wondering at the end why you didn’t land at the right place.

You MUST check that internal compass at least daily, and probably more so, until your DEFAULT thought patterns are missile-focused to where you want them to be.

You’ll know that this is true because you don’t have to think or do ANYTHING and yet you create exactly the outcomes you want.

2) The second thing which happened is I had a call with my mentor and realised there is still that part of me where I show up (in my free content, for example) in order to GET A RESPONSE.

Looking for the titles, the ideas, the energy, that will WAKE people, SHIFT people, EXCITE people, get them to like me! And follow me! And buy from me! And also, yes, transform their lives!

“Why do you actually wan to be rich and famous?”, she asked me?

Well, I’ve always known I will be. That’s what comes up first. But, why?

Okay — ego is definitely part of it, I can admit that. I want the validation of being at a certain level, being the best. MAYBE IF I’M FAMOUS I’M GOOD ENOUGH …!

There’s that little girl again

But also, putting ego aside, I said, because I feel SUCH A SENSE OF URGENCY to impact people to live a purposeful life. I know my message can help people. That I came here to do that. That everybody should SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN WHEN I TALK!

And she said something which really got me thinking, and which ties in (of course!) with things I’ve been livestreaming and thinking about all week anyway.

“It’s not your job to save people. Your message and work WILL help millions of people. But that’s not why you do it. You do it for YOU. You do it because you can’t NOT.”

Sounds like something I would say, doesn’t it?

I told you I was gonna find me 2.0


The saving people thing. It’s definitely been a theme of mine in multiple areas of my life. When I left my first husband I was SO WORRIED about how he was going to survive or ever have a happy life without me. I felt responsible for his happiness, for his LIFE. What a martyr, hey?! I was almost AFFRONTED when I found out a year or so later that he was in a new relationship, and happy.

I remember catching myself, and thinking — WOW. Why do I feel ripped off that he is happy? I actually had the nerve to think at the time — “hey! You’re not supposed to be ABLE to be happy without me!”

I totally WANTED him to be happy, by the way, I didn’t begrudge him the happiness, I had left HIM! But I thought it was my cross to bear.

I have to admit … I feel that way about the marriage (my second one) which I left last year.

I am conscious that it’s NOT my responsibility. But yet here I am, worrying that who else is going to do it, if not me?

Sometimes I think that my whole life revolves around worrying about who else will save the WORLD, if not me?

It’s quite a load to carry around

And I suspect you might just be carrying the same load around too, hmm? I’ll fight you for it!! YOU can’t save the world because it’s ME who is going to!


Except –

Not so funny, really, is it? When it infiltrates your art. Your truth. Your message. How you show up. Who you BECOME. And ultimately, how you live your life.

And it’s such a small distinction, really.

My message is my message, life is NOW, press PLAY, you can have it ALL, on your TERMS, just do the WORK, and DON’T FORGET TO BE YOU!

I haven’t changed my message in order to try and save you.

But yet …

If my dominant thought is that it’s my JOB to rescue people from their otherwise aimless lives (lol! sorry! but it’s what my mind so often thinks, and I bet yours TOO!) …

Then certainly the WAY I create, show up, unleash, will be different.

Just a little different.

From how it would be if I did it just for me.

If, as I sat here, strong black coffee and post-yoga buzz fueling me, at a cafe in the sun, and instead of asking myself –

“What do they need to hear frome me?”, and writing a blog to MOTIVATE or PROPEL you, I instead decided to reframe:

“What do I need to say? What do I want to say? Do I even FEEL like writing?!”

Well, the truth is I always feel like creating. It’s only when I put rules around it, try and make it dance or perform or generate an OUTCOME, whether likes or sales or what the fuck EVER, that I don’t really enjoy it quite as much.

That I can still churn out CONTENT.

But I don’t get the release, the sense of completeness, the ability to breathe again, the KNOWINGNESS that I just did what I came here to do.

That I did what I needed to do for ME.

That I RELEASED, what was within. As opposed to CREATED, based on what I in even the SMALLEST way, thought I should.

Want to know how to know you’ve really done what you needed to do for you?

You feel completely done. Like — nothing else matters. You have ABSOLUTE confidence that you have done the work for the day, there is no feeling of needing to prove or push or tick off, anything. That part can be kind of annoying if you still have an empire you wanna run, or people to get back to

But it’s a good marker.

Today, I remind myself to look for that marker, daily. To say fuck the world, it can go down in flames for all I care, I’m just gonna be over here in the sun creating cool shit for me.

So, sorry, but I just can’t bring myself to wanna save you anymore.

I don’t think you’ll mind anyway …

I think we’re the same, you and me.

Which brings me to my other point:

Life is Now. Press PLAY.

And just do it for you.