WHEN THEY TELL YOU NOT TO BE YOU, THAT YOU’RE TOO MUCH YOU: FILTER FILTER FILTER, EVEN WHEN IT HURTS
The part of business nobody wants to really talk about or admit to is the pain that comes with true and unrestrained filtering of your audience.
Here is what else they don’t tell you:
Just when you get used to standing up for what you believe in and for being YOU in how you message, create, enthuse or ridicule, market and sell, and just when you know that your tribe are used to you being you as well and basically you got THROUGH that whole hater-hurdle (which doesn’t really exist anyway, but let’s come back to that), you suddenly realise:
I got COMFORTABLE again.
And also, if you’re a driven kind of human (which I’m gonna assume that you are or no way in hell would you be reading this!), you’re going to realise something else:
I have NEW opinions.
Or I just flat out don’t agree with what every other fucking person (pretty much) seems to accept as just how it IS.
Can I tell you something?
I know what it feels like to sometimes wonder if you’re the ONLY PERSON who thinks the way that you think, who thinks that what everybody else assumes as fact is just WRONG, who also can’t seem to let go of wanting — needing! — to say something about it, no matter how much you might tell yourself not.a good.IDEA. Just leave it … let it go … stay on your path!
Well here’s what’s ACTUALLY not a good idea, and what would also flat out take you OFF your path, particularly if part of your calling and who you ARE is to be heard on ANYTHING –
Not speaking up on everything.
Everything that MATTERS, to you, by which I mean everything you deeply and passionately believe in so much that to NOT share about it feels like suppression.
This is true if it’s relevant to your business.
And it’s true if it’s not.
Because here’s what else is true:
Your BUSINESS is a reflection of YOU. Your ACTUAL soul tribe are the ones who resonate with you, and whilst you don’t have to have the same opinions on everything as your friends or followers, you WILL find over time that you’re just better off –
With those you most deeply align with –
And they with you.
But before you figure all of this out, before you live and breathe it, and even once you HAVE done so but then you become aware that it’s time to go to the next level, you will find:
It fucking hurts sometimes to filter your audience by virtue of refusing to filter YOU.
I’ve done this, so many times I can’t remember all the layers of it, and in some many different ways, some more likely to cause an uproar then others, but ultimately the BIGGEST thing I’ve learned is that the more you saying what you REALLY think, about business, about your industry, about life in general, DOES cause an uproar the more you’ve obviously been filtering YOU, because if you’d been already showing all of you there’d be no cause for surprise.
Just something to think about
Before all of that though, before you learn that it’s okay to be you, to share your voice, to share the parts of your message you are SCARED to, the bits you say only to your closest confidants and maybe not even that, here’s what will happen:
You’ll walk around, first, feeling like there’s something WRONG with you. Does everybody else really THINK that? They can’t! Surely not! Are they INSANE? You’ll get outraged, frustrated, worked up, and also you’ll get WORRIED, because as much as you feel like you’re completely fucking sure of what you believe and KNOW to be true, you’ll also wonder:
Is it ME who is insane? Am I wrong? Am I bad person? Why can’t I just be content with accepting things as everybody else seems to be perfectly fine with!
At the same time you’ll know:
I would sooner DIE than think like that, act like that, settle like that, be like that.
And you’ll also think:
These people are so fucking misguided it’s not funny. They have NO freaking clue about what it really takes, about what matters, about what is true.
So passionately will you believe in this that even though you logically know they would think they same thing about YOU, you are 100% certain that YOU are correct.
Side note: if you’re not 100% certain of what you believe and ideally want to teach and preach, whether or not you ARE yet, then I’d suggest you find a message and a truth you ARE that sure about!!
Time will pass, and the more it does, the more you’ll feel like I HAVE TO FUCKING SAY SOMETHING.
We could go on and on about this, and the inner turmoil it causes, but let’s short-cut to the end zone here:
1) You speak up. It’s terrifying. You potentially do lose friends, family members, clients, or at the very least people start messaging you to tell you why maybe you need to rethink being you. You feel heavy and a little bit sick at first about the fallout. It hurts. It hurts to have people think you’re a bad person, or a crazy one! But at the same time –
There are other people who think like you do.
Who are excited by what you have to say.
Who THANK you for being the one person willing to speak up and share what must be heard.
You feel like you have FOUND YOUR TRIBE, and if you are in personal branding and online sales at all (or any sales, really) you start to notice it’s suddenly REALLY FUCKING EASY to build your following and sell to them.
Because they’re already sold on YOU, and you on them baby.
And eventually? Well eventually the dust is long settled from that time you dared to be SO forthright, and you wonder — why did it feel so scary to speak my truth? IT’S THE BEST THING EVER AND I FEEL SO FREE!
And then you realise it’s time to go again, with the next thing
But here is the other path, the one most take, the one YOU have perhaps taken, on repeat:
2) You don’t speak up.
It’s too scary.
You’re worried about what particular people in your life would think, as well as people in general.
You convince yourself –
It’s not necessary.
Or it’s just TOO MUCH TO SAY IN PUBLIC, I can share a message and be me without saying THAT!
As a result of this, sure, you can build a business, a brand, to an extent, but what it will BE, is a business of fucking marshmallow shallow bullshit and you KNOW it, and instead of being a brand based on the REAL you where you get to be ALL of you, it will be a bland –
Which you’ve decided to give your time, your energy, your life to.
Which if you’re honest feels like a bit of a noose around your neck, because as soon as you switch into ‘business’ mode you have to REMEMBER HOW TO BE.
Which, ultimately, will never –
Make you the money or allow you the impact and worst of all will mean that instead of doing what you came here to do in the world, which like it or not REQUIRES YOU TO BE FULLY YOU, you’ll make some money –
Time will pass –
Eventually it will be all gone –
And perhaps before it is, you’ll have the opportunity to look back and you’ll think:
This whole time.
To be me.
Bound by my SELF.
The short-term discomfort of making space for the RIGHT people.
Press fucking play.
It’s too late.
And it’s over.
And it’s done.
And why the FUCK did I think any of it MATTERED MORE THAN GIVING MYSELF PERMISSION TO BE WHO I AM AND TO SERVE THOSE WHO I WAS SUPPOSED TO SERVE?!
Here’s my summary:
In business there are going to be many people who hell yes on your surface message. Tell people they can have it all, for example, and they get super excited!
But as soon as you go even one level down of deeper truth, you’ll start to lose ’em.
You can have it all? Yes!
You can have it all but you gotta be willing to do what it takes, to GRIND, to sacrifice? Yes! From most people, ’cause most people aren’t delusional, but you will lose SOME.
How about this one:
You can have it all but if you weren’t BORN for it (to be a leader, a star, to make millions, to even be an entrepreneur) then NO YOU CAN’T BECAUSE IT’S NOT WHO YOU ARE. I can tell you that one riles people up! Definitely you’ll lose some.
And as soon as you start to then really add in:
Who your message is for.
What it ACTUALLY fucking takes to get results.
What you have to be willing to let GO of.
And what you REALLY REALLY THINK about most people’s attitudes and how they show up in life –
You’re going to find the pool of people saying yes a helluva lot smaller.
THIS IS A GOOD THING.
THIS IS A GOOD THING.
THIS IS A GOOD THING.
But it doesn’t MEAN it won’t hurt, to lose those people along the way who thought you were ‘so cool’ until you said THAT, went THERE, pushed BACK, like that.
Are you here to share your truth or are you here to be ONE OF THEM?
A story, to drive this home:
When I shared my message to a certain level, and focused on what I could teach people that they could apply and learn from, I was able to build my business to multiple 6-figures through grind and discipline, and because people thought I was nice, cool even, helpful.
But my soul was dying, I felt exhausted all of the time, I felt HANDCUFFED by the very life I was creating!
And eventually I COULDN’T TAKE THE OPPRESSION ANYMORE.
“Fuck this shit!”, I thought.
And I went ALL.IN. I made a decision to start saying in public what I’d normally only said in private, or in my own mind.
I spoke about being the 1% within the 1%, about few actually HAVING what it takes, about the way people BULLSHIT themselves instead of pressing play. I did it assertively, aggressively, in my actual.true.voice.
People went running like there was a toxic outbreak.
The ones who felt concerned for my mental health messaged me, or commented:
“You’ve changed Kat”
“Be careful Kat!”
“You can’t speak like that online Kat!”
“This won’t work Kat!”
They wanted to help. They were worried I was having a nervous breakdown. They wanted to save me!
Fast forward to now.
I have no idea where or even who they fucking are. I am surrounded by my soulmate tribe. I make millions of dollars with ease, because I still grind and hustle but also I have sold ME and so it is easy.as.pie. to sell for MONEY anything that comes from me, because those who FOLLOW me are so aligned.
And best of all I KNOW I am living my truth, doing the work I am called to do, and I get to wake up every day and without thinking REMOTELY about how just be me, and make money and a difference doing what I love.
So when you wonder if it’s worth going through the pain of being vilified for what you believe or even burned at the stake please know that it is SO FUCKING WORTH IT I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO SAY.
It is EVERYTHING.
And it’s also the only WAY.
But also, know this:
Just when it starts to get comfortable?
Time to rip the fucking bandaid again.
But let’s be honest –
You never came here for normal.
You never came here to be one of them.
You ALWAYS knew you were different, that you were born for more, and you ALWAYS KNEW AT SOME POINT IT WAS GONNA GET UNCOMFORTABLE, and that maybe even for your whole LIFE your pathway would be one of venturing into unchartered waters.
I guess what we’re really talking about is simple:
You came here to be somebody who paved a new way.
You know this.
I know this.
My only question about this?
When do you think you might like to get started with that?
You think that filtering your audience is going to cost you something, because you’ll lose somebody and maybe a lot, when actually –
It’s going to give you everything.
Remember — !
Life is Now. Press Play.