Spoiler-free Review: I was disappointed but not surprised by the execution of otherwise promising ideas presented in Todd Phillips’ latest “comedy” — Last night I engaged in what is known as the fine American tradition of the movie theater date. The scent of popcorn lingered in the air, and the lobby was abuzz with chatter from teenagers, parents with children, and employees who just can’t wait to go home. In the corner…

Dear [Business Redacted], When I met you, I was fifteen. I heard about you from a mutual friend of ours; I babysat for her over the summer, and as July came to a close, she told me I just had to meet you. …

for Brent —

Stop murdering your passion for the sake of proliferation — I’ve wanted to be a writer since the third grade, when I entered a short story called “How Little Red Riding Hood Really Happened” in a regional writing contest for elementary and intermediate school students. I spent a week plunking out sentences on my teacher’s boxy Microsoft Windows Vista computer…

My therapist tells me that I am good at talking in circles, that I am good at talking around things. She asks me why I never answer her questions. I tell her that when I was in high school, I ran the two mile. The thing about the two mile, I say, is…

for Brent — I like to trace my fingers over the constellation of freckles stretching across your shoulders from where the sun has kissed you in the summertime. I like to trace my…

I’m pretty sure I peaked in elementary school. When I was in the first grade, I was selected to participate in the “gifted class” at my school. Part of the criteria for this program was a psychometrist administered IQ test. I was pulled out of class for about three days…

On love, obligation, and making sense of what it means to be adopted — Once, when we were younger, someone asked my brother what it’s like to be adopted. He looked thoughtful for a minute, then smiled and said, “It’s like being a store-bought cake at a family reunion, when everyone else brought homemade.” Of course, everyone laughed. …

One of my favorite things to do is watch my boyfriend play video games. He gets so invested in playing, and it’s so cute to see that look of determination roll across his face. Unlike him, however, I am decidedly not a gamer. Still, that doesn’t stop him from begging…