Your smile is so condescending. I am haunted by you. On the news, in the paper. I have to see you all the time, I have to hear your name. It gives me chills. Everyone else thinks you are handsome, charming, and a perfectly responsible and honorable man. You were my “the one that got away,” they say. They shake their heads, because they were sure that you were everything I wanted, needed, and deserved. Clearly, it was my fault. I was even told to be more accomodating, more understanding, more patient. But no! The balance of it all, the balance was so disparate. It confused me at first.
Never had I been so confused.
I rationalized that you must have changed what you wanted. Or that you yourself changed, but why? And then I realize, you didn’t change. That is who and what you were all along. I grieve the loss of a man that I never even knew. You did fulfill a fantasy and dream at the beginning. But the end result was such a nightmare.
And the rest of the world remains fooled.