Not the dream but burden — Part I

We always seek for some sense in life, for the meaning of our existence. In order to accomplish that, we start to follow our dreams, to pursue our passion and live the life we want to live. But sometimes things come different. Sometimes we pursue the dream we thought still is the dream, We start living the life we thought we want to live. Just to come to the realization that it’s the dream, it’s the life of our self at another point in our lives and no longer counts for the current day.

This is what happened to me and instead of living the dream I’ve been living the burden. I guess my mother made the point clear, sometimes you need to pursue what you think still is you dream just to realize that it’s no longer. Then you can finally let go. But first things first.

With sixteen I’ve found my passion and love for Muay Thai, thanks to the movie Ong Bag. Since then I never was able to stop and the first three years of practicing Muay Thai I committed fully to the sport, broke up the technical high school because my thoughts were just about Muay Thai. I truly loved the sport. Then I started high school with focus on economics and after I continued studying business administration in Berlin. During those years I still practiced Muay Thai but not continually. Nevertheless I always missed it and in my last semester of studying I thought more and more about the dream of training and fighting in Thailand and the opportunity fighting in the Lumpinee stadium in Bangkok which accommpanied me since reaching my eighteens.

Finally I decided to pursue this dream right after my bachelor´s degree. I dedicated myself to this task and put all the triggers necessary to get it rollin. I reached out to my coach and to a personal trainer who was training with me some years ago. Both we very excited and willing to support me along the way. Starting on the first of January 2016 my whole life was aligned to that day I would finally arrive in Thailand which would be the 20th April 2016.. I sacrificed a lot, trained the most possible and educated myself as much as possible.

Finally the day arrived. 4 hours train, 3 switches, 11 hour direct flight, 3 hours bus and 1 hour taxi. I finally arrived at Looksuan gym. Exhausted, tired and pretty much death. Nevertheless they wanted to show me around and see the gym so there was not much time for rest, to be more exact, none at all. The next day should already start with a 6 am running session. It all started out tiring but I was in good shape thanks to the preparation of my two coaches and could handle the training without doubt. Other than that the circumstances were hard to take. I was living in a small room, sleeping on a wooden bed and very thin mattress in a very poor area. Pretty much nobody was speaking English and if, just a few basics. Also the room I was living in was originally the kids room and so they went in and out all the time, giving me no option of really resting and that´s what I needed the most. Last but not least being part of a family and being involved in everything is a nice thing, sure, but for me it wasn´t just the right thing. All that coming together with the noisy city life (all day, all night), the hot and humid air, it was just too much too handle for the very first beginning. Somehow I didn´t feel comfortable while training as well and it occurred to me like a lightning strike.

The story continues… Part II is following soon.