Revisions to Your Any Given Sunday Script

We love your Any Given Sunday script, but we don’t have licensing from the NFL to use some of their terms. We just need to make a few changes and the script will be good to go. See, we can’t call the team the Miami Dolphins, but we can call them the Miami Sharks. Just small details the viewers will barely recognize. The National Football League (NFL) will become the Associated Football Franchises of America (AFFA). The Super Bowl is now the Pantheon Cup.

See? All easy fixes. Don’t feel bad about your writing. This happens for a lot of movies. Space Jam had to make up an entire fake team of aliens because they couldn’t just have Bugs Bunny and his friends play the Detroit Pistons like in the original story. Laws sure are crazy, but they keep us from arsoning and batterying, I guess!

Anyway, just a few more changes and it’s all set. I had my assistant do some research and apparently, don’t ask me how, the NFL owns the rights to most of the positions in football. So we can’t use quarterback, running back, wide receiver, or punter. We can use throwboy, jogging back, go long guy, and boomkick man, so it should be fine. For defense we can just call everyone defender 1, defender 2, etc. People don’t really pay that much attention to defense.

Moving on to the bigger picture. Football fields obviously have 100 yards, but that once again is a measurement the NFL licenses out to colleges and pee wee football leagues. We won’t be able to use yards or 100, but we can say the AFFA plays on a field that is “very large,” which should go unnoticed. And, of course, 10 yards in the NFL gets you a first down, but for us a “good play” will earn a team “a few more tries to score.”

Now you may not believe this, but, and my assistant assures me this is true and he’s smart since he’s been to college twice, the NFL owns the term “football.” So members of the AFFA will be playing “Run-Catch.” I know what you’re thinking, the AFFA stands for Associated FOOTBALL Franchises of America and that has football in the acronym, but the thing is acronyms don’t count as far as the law is concerned. You could murder someone with an acronym and there wouldn’t be a thing anyone could do about it.

I think that’s about it. The rest of the movie is stellar and should be real fun. Oh, one more thing. Any Given Sunday is a wonderful title. Really fits the movie and is a phrase people associate with football, but remember we’ll be playing Run-Catch. Also, the NFL somehow, really don’t ask me or my assistant how, acquired the rights to the entire day of Sunday, so we can’t use it. They license it out to churches and calendars. However, Any Given Splunday is still up for grabs, so we’re gonna take it before the NFL big wigs snatch it up.

The viewers won’t even notice.

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