The Men In My Platoon

Tex — We call him Tex because he’s from Texas. Craziest dude you’ll ever meet. How crazy? Tex only goes to Disney World when he knows the lines are going to be long. And after he waits hours and is about to ride, he says “On second thought, no,” and leaves! Where’s he go? Back to the end of the line. Dude’s got a FastPass too.

Dallas — We call him Dallas because he’s from Texas. Dallas, Texas. Nicest dude you’ll ever meet. How nice? Dallas won’t pass a homeless person on the street without stopping to ask if they would like a warm meal. Of course some are too embarrassed or stubborn to say yes, but for those that do, Dallas immediately responds with “Yeah, I’d like a warm meal too. They sure are great. Goodbye,” and walks off. Nobody feeds a homeless person’s hunger for conversation like Dallas.

Houston — We call him Houston because his Texas accent is so thick it’s hard to understand where he’s from. Probably El Paso. Biggest guy you’ll ever meet. How big? Houston’s 6’4’’. Moving on.

Laredo — We call him Laredo because he’s from Laredo, Texas. Smartest dude you’ll ever meet. How smart? Laredo was accepted into MIT prenatally. He left his mother’s womb with a doctorate in physics and said his first words, “Thank You,” at 3 months while accepting his second Nobel Prize. What he’s doing serving with us gang of goofs is anyone’s question. Well, specifically my question. I’ll ask him when he wakes up from his nap. He’s 5.

Fort Worth — We call him Fort Worth because he’s from Fort Worth, the one in Texas. Luckiest dude you’ll ever meet. Fort Worth won the Powerball on the first lottery ticket he ever bought. Turned down the money, too. Said those big checks were bad for the environment and he wouldn’t be part of the problem. Dude’s so lucky to have strong convictions like that.

Austin — We call him Austin because he’s from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and his name is Austin. That’s all I know about him. We don’t talk to him because he’s not from Texas