Why I decided to blog

I woke up this morning with a call from my mom asking “Vaishu! what are you doing?”. What will any 24 year old bachlerotte do at an ungoldy hour on a weekday? Like I will wake up at 5 AM, take bath, go to shiva temple, and read Bhagvat Gita and chant ram ram ram ram! If I do something like this, my tower security guard Ram bhaiya will come asking “ Madam kya hua?” I don’t understand why mom asks such rhetoric questions. Anyways, I said “Ha Maa, it is 6 ‘0’ clock in the morning and I am preparing to climb Mount Everest” she immediately said “Stupid fellow! stop being smart. Remember I cleaned your shit. Do you know Shashi Aunty’s son got a scholarship in this Ivy League? What are you doing in life? Pch! You are not going any places. Cha cha!

First of all she can’t be more wrong. I go on Uber Pool twice everyday to TWO different places. I also have a 4.72 rating on Uber, which is 100 times better than my CGPA. This is a testament to the fact that I am going places, and that too bloody fucking well. Second of all, this Shashi aunty should take curry leaves and quietly fuck off, and not try to put curry between Amma and me. Anyways, I can’t argue with Amma early in the morning, so I just said “Yes”, then she proceeds with a long monologue about what I should do in life — meanwhile I completed all episodes of Kahani Har Ghar ki twice! I put down the phone after call and immediately googled what should I do in life, coz I don’t wanna wake up again at 6 tomorrow by my mom.

I always wanted to be unique. Do something that a lot of people would say “wow! she did something which we could only dream and approve of” . After much thought process and thinking, I came up with an out of box idea. That’s it, I decided I will go for a MBA. Wow! Such swag. Much unique. Very different. Now that I know what I wanted to do in life, I researched how to do it.

I don’t understand these MBA applications and process. They ask questions like “ Where do you see yourself 10 years down the lane?” This is Life Insurance Bhima Policy or whaaat? Plan your next 10 years this fucking moment. I don’t even know if I will go in Uber Pool or Uber Go tomorrow, depends on what time I wake up and how early I should reach. But if MBA colleges say so, I will do it. I decided I will be a consultant at an esteemed consultancy firm doing consulting. Where do I see myself in 10 years? Making grocery list on power point with proper fonts, bullet points and use charts to do cost benefit analysis to understand which of Colgate and Dabur has more salt. Zindagi Vlookup Hai peepals. This 10 years wala question is still fine. The question that shook me to the core was “ What did you do something different that can add value to the class of xyz?” Omg! What is this question? All the while, I thought doing MBA is only different, but all the people applying already have the same thought. What will I write? “ Aloo, aloo, aloo aloo,aloo...aloo, capsicum and jeera. Aloo jeera bruh! But with capsicum. Very different. Pls one admission give” What should I do now? I got into thinking mode again.

A couple of my close friends said often “Kittu you should write more” “Kittu you should do stand-up” “Kittu hahaha!”. The belief these people have in me, baffles me. Such poor judgement, no wonder some of them invested in Bitcoins! Lol! Losers. Anyways, it got me thinking. May be I can write and influence people left and right full on.

I can be an influencer alright! It’s easy- like some morons post a picture of white shirt and white pants and say best summer-wear, classy and durable with full confidence, like it’s some Tupperware. Dude, in Delhi by the end of the day white will become black. Not even 50 shades of grey for you. Anyways, point here being if they can be influencers, so can I. So, hence forth, I will write a blog every time there is a regret, reject and rage.

Hello MBA! Here I come.