Make 2016 Your Sexiest Year: For Singles

Being single is a great time to refocus your sexual nature. Here are some of my favourite tips for tapping into your sensual side when you’re on your own.

Kelly McDonnell-Arnold’s Top 8 Tips for Singles to have a Sexy 2016

Tip #1 — Love your body!

Lose the bikini-body mindset that makes us miserable when we look in the mirror. Instead, celebrate how your body works for you. How it helps you work, learn and build; how it allows you to experience the beauty of nature, and create and nurture families and friends. Express that gratitude by taking care of your body. Fuel it with healthy food and give it the rest and activity it needs, and the healthcare — sexual and general — it requires. By doing that, you’ll also strengthen your emotional and psychological resilience.

A grounded self-care habit is essential to overall wellbeing. To know how to love and accept ourselves, even on the days, weeks or months when we are lonely, or heartbroken, or face harsh criticism is a powerful ally in our continued growth, resilience and maturity. It will also hold us in good stead when we are in a relationship, making us less anxious, clingy and dependent.

Tip #2 — Now really love your body.

How are you ever going to truly know what you enjoy pleasurable if you don’t figure it out on your own? Have fun with yourself through self-pleasuring, gentle touching, or just plain exploring elements of your life that bring you and your body. Staking your claim over your body is a powerful thing that also keeps you primed for a partner(s).

Tip #3 — Become your own sexpert.

Don’t be a stranger to your body or its functions. Know your body like a sex expert. Talk to friends or family about sexual issues or questions; ask your doctor for information or advice, even if it feels embarrassing; seek out research and evidence-based information online. Bring this self-knowledge into your sex life, too. Before you get sexually involved with a partner, have an honest and meaningful dialogue about sex. Talk about both of your expectations and wants, about your readiness levels, about contraception’s and safer sex practices — the works. Consider this kind of honesty as preventive medicine against misunderstanding and conflict.

Tip #4 — Resolve sexual fears.

Being single is an opportunity to work on any unresolved sexual issues privately. Practice self-compassion and reflect upon the narratives that have shaped meaning and provided both pressure and support. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings separate from how they might be judged by yourself or anyone else. If you’re not making enough progress on your own, consider consulting with a sexologist or sex therapist.

Tip #5 — Create your own definition of sexy.

We live in a culture that is obsessed with appearances. The message we’re sent via our culture and media about our bodies and sexuality is almost always about how they look, and perfection, unfortunately, is the standard by which we measure ourselves. Establish your own compassion-based standard for health and wellness. Focus on your strengths and you’ll start to develop your own definition of sexiness.

Tip #6 — Do your Kegels.

Kegel exercises are simple clench-and-release exercises that both men and women can do to make the muscles in their pelvic floor stronger. The muscles you strengthen during these exercises (the PC) are some of the muscles that contract during orgasm, so toning them enhances those sensations and can make it easier to reach climax.

Tip #7 — Explore your sexuality.

Be willing, for instance, to take a look at what you want in a sexual relationship and make choices based on those real desires. If you’re looking for inspiration, pick up an educational book, fun toy, erotic novel or see an erotic film. Acknowledge and celebrate the beauty of your sexuality.

Tip #8 — Mindfulness.

Just like there are a number of ways to activate our muscles at the gym, there are a wide range of techniques to help us get in touch with our sexual muscles. For example, some choose to engage in mindfulness or stillness exercises. You can also find this kind of meditative release in motion, with activities like yoga or walking. Whatever road you choose, be sure you’re working toward defining your own sexuality.

Looking for more great tips? Follow me on Twitter and subscribe to my SoundCloud for my weekly #TGISF podcasts. Next week I will be talking about “How To Kickstart Desire.

Thank God It’s Sexy Friday! Or as we say, TGISF. HAVE A SEXY WEEKEND.


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