What I often find myself saying to men is, the relationship you could have five years from now could surpass anything you’d ever find with someone new, starting from scratch. Where there’s just nothing out there that compares to what you’ve got at home. But you gotta build that.
And what I often say to women is, are you co-creating from the ground up with this quirky, complex, unique, real-life human being you’ve chosen? Because over time it could surpass all of your preconceived dreams 0r fantasies about the ideal relationship. Intimate relating and what arises between people is more profound than what we imagined we were looking for, or anything we conceived of. So are you trying to use your partner to enact some vision you had before you even got into the relationship, or are you building something from scratch with them, something never seen before, something that’s unique to the two of you?
If I can get them to see the relationship this way—something they’re creating together—everything changes.
Thanks for the comment, Rebecca.