3 Things I’ve Learned in My Year of 40
On Monday I turned 41 years old. My year of 40 (read my post about turning 40 here) was an epic one, capping off an even more epic decade full of challenges, sadness and loss. I welcomed my forties with open arms and so far it has not disappointed me. The short story is, this past year I got married to a soulful and sensitive man, became a stepmom to an equally soulful and sensitive little boy, moved homes and had a beautiful baby girl(!) among many other exciting things. While I feel grateful and blessed for all that’s come into my life, I remind myself that I ultimately made it happen. I made it happen by letting myself feel all of my emotions (no matter how difficult), soul searching and getting clear on what I really wanted. From the outside it almost looks like everything fell easily into place, but I know I did the work to receive and welcome all these blessings into my life. And that is the most empowering feeling.
Here are three important things I’ve learned one year into my forties:
1. Know your why.
I can’t think of anything more important than knowing your why. Why do you have the goals that you have? Why do you want the things you want? Why do you spend time on the things you choose to spend time on? Do you know the answer to those questions for yourself? What is truly important to you? Is it monetary wealth, fame, freedom? I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years reflecting on my why’s and digging deep to understand my core values. I know that my why is rooted in wanting to feel alive and present through every moment in my life. I know that what drives me is the quest to live fully and with purpose and an open heart. I guarantee that your why’s have changed significantly from ten years ago. Rather than stay unconsciously on a preplanned path, ask yourself what really matters to you now. It may lead you to change course.
2. When one story ends, a new one begins.
My thirties were so emotionally challenging that when that chapter closed I felt I had made it. The movie was over, I had my happy ending and it was only fluffy clouds and rainbows ahead for me. Life is so fluid, evolving and complex and of course is never that simple. Wonderful blessings and joy also lead to new, different challenges with the common thread being you and all the emotions you bring along with you from one story to the next. I promised myself that my 40’s would be the shift from surviving to thriving but I had to figure out what “thriving” means to me. I haven’t quite defined it yet, but starting to write again is definitely a part of the equation. What does thriving look like to you?
“Life is continuously changing and if you’re trying to control it, you’ll never be able to fully live it” — Michael Singer in The Untethered Soul
3. Above all, take care of you.
For all the joy and beautiful moments motherhood brings, it is also all-encompassing. Even if you’re not a parent, it’s easy to let your work, partner or old habits be the driving force in your life. I used to love waking up early, making coffee and spending at least 30 minutes reading, writing or journaling before heading off to the gym. These days, my daughter wakes me up far earlier than I’d like (after having woken me up several times during the night) and playing with her first thing while my coffee (luckily made and brought to me by my husband when he is home) gets cold takes priority. It’s easy for that quiet time to just completely disappear from my day to day. But I’ve realized that even if I steal those moments every few days while baby naps, I’m plugging into me. In order of all things important, it’s easy for you to fall to the bottom of the list. I could spend that half hour responding to work emails, or unloading the dishwasher or on a call. But prioritizing that time is more important now than ever. So whatever it is that makes you feel like you — going for a run, meeting a friend for coffee, getting dressed up and out for a nice dinner, make time for it like its your kids’ doctors appointment.
Your forties can be an incredibly fulfilling and empowering period in your life if you let it. I’m now more sure of what I want, and more importantly of what I don’t. I’m less afraid of what people will think. I have more faith in my future without needing to have everything perfectly lined up. If anything, my past tells me that I can not only survive, I can create beauty and love just by refusing to let feelings of fear hold me back.
If you’ve had an easier road, I’d suggest now is your time (40 or not!) to take on some serious challenges — don’t be too easy on yourself because it’s the challenges you take on that you’ll be the most proud of later. And if you’ve had a rough(er) road, wear your survival on your sleeve — not as a chip on your shoulder, but rather as a badge of honour representing what you’re capable of. You’ve come through so much…just imagine what you could create if you leveraged that perseverance for good!
“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” — Sophia Loren
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