Please, Don’t Read

“If you leave me, I’ll kill you. If you leave me, I’ll kill us both. You brought this upon yourself. You made me crazy. And you think you can just leave? You think you can just leave me like this? You don’t have the right to leave! What’s the point of living if I don’t have you? I’ll kill us both.”

I’m sorry. I said I was sorry. I take responsibility for my faults, for the role I played. Please understand, though, you shouldn’t say those things to me. You shouldn’t say them to anyone that cares about you.

“Why don’t you just shut up? All this could have been prevented if you had just shut up!”

I never wanted to hurt you. I just want you to recognize that I was hurt when you lied to me two weeks ago…and when you threatened to kill me last month…and when you threatened to kill my family last year.

“Why couldn’t you get over it? Why don’t you just get over things and pretend they never happened? You accuse me of things I don’t do because you’re crazy. And you make me crazy. Now you have to deal with the consequences. I never threatened to kill you.”

I’m sorry. I apologized for accusing you Monday night. I didn’t trust you because you lied to me days ago about being home. You called me crazy and stupid that night too…until you realized I had been at your house looking for you because you had gotten out of the hospital that morning. I was worried you weren’t answering your phone.

“Why do you always have to be so emotional? Why don’t you keep it to yourself because nobody wants to hear it. You’re an overemotional little b****. I should beat you. I’m going to treat you like a b**** since you want to act like one.”

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to act like a bitch. Please, I love you. I just want you to understand the things you are telling me are wrong.

“You deserve it. You made me insane. You did this to me. You ruin everything every single time things are going well. Why did you even come back if you were going to act this way?”

You said you were going to change. You said you wouldn’t hurt me anymore. You said you weren’t going to say those things to me.

“When I try to change, you make me revert back to this. This isn’t me. You make me this way. You bring this out of me. You’re lucky I don’t beat you. You made me into a monster.”

I never wanted to. I just wanted to love you and see you smile. Your happiness meant more to me than my happiness. But I can’t do this anymore. I’m scared of you. I don’t want to hate you.

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“I miss you. I’m sorry for everything. It was all my fault. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. I’m a little crazy and I make you this way.”

I miss you too. This hurts. The blame isn’t all yours.

“We’re still together, right?”

No. I can’t.

“You don’t have a choice. You’re mine. You think you can leave? I don’t care if I have to go to your house and make a scene. You and I are going to be together forever.”

Please, just let me go. I don’t have an older brother or a father who can come and protect me. You know I can’t defend myself against you.

“Just stop. Stop! Stop! Stop and come back. That’s how we’ll fix things. Just get over it and we can be happy again. If you know no one can protect you, then why are you forcing me to want to hurt you? Just stop!”

I said I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. However, please….you need to go see someone. You need to get help. I’ll even help you find someone. Just please….