50lbs Later: 5 Things Nobody Told Me about Life as a Skinny Chick
I know what you’re thinking, everything is great now right? You finally get the body you want and you’re here to COMPLAIN? That’s not what this article is. I wanted to write this article to tell everyone the things I wish I would’ve known when I lost the first ten pounds because it would’ve made the next forty easier, or would have at least let me enjoy it sooner. So often reaching a goal is more about finding the right motivation. So if you’re out there and still losing the weight, or just out there and losing hope, maybe this will be just what you need.

1. Progress? What Progress?
Unless you have a completely unbiased view of yourself, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to see the changes in your own body. You are going to keep seeing the same body day after day, even when what you’re doing is working.
Why? Because when you look at yourself in the mirror your brain does a magic trick where it takes a lifetime of experiences, conditioning, upbringing, and culture and only allows you to interpret your reflection through that filter. We scrutinize and compare ourselves on a daily basis, we put ourselves in categories. I’m a curvy girl, I’m a geek, I’m an outdoorsy person. All totally natural ways our brain makes sense of the world, but the trouble is trying to get out of your current box.
Weight loss, when it’s done right, is gradual and you likely won’t see it reflected back at you in the mirror. So my advice to you is to put your before picture right there on the mirror, put your weight, your measurements, your resting heart rate, whatever your favorite thing to track is right where it hits you in the face. Then look for the difference and be damn proud, because you earned it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, not even your own brain.
2. Just call me Grace
I think we get this vision of ourselves as becoming athletic when we lose weight because we picture ourselves looking like athletes. Besides it’s pretty common to have some kind of “doing” goal when it comes to health and fitness. Such as wanting to run a marathon, do a pull-up, or just make it through a Zumba class without crashing into a pit of despair and self-loathing — you know typical stuff. But in all likelihood, you probably at this point have spent more of your life in the body you don’t want rather than in your dream body. So all the years of walking around moving and functioning have been done with that extra weight, and at least for me, my brain and body didn’t just suddenly sync up and know how to move without it.

I feel clumsier now than I have ever been. I wasn’t going to win any awards for coordination before, but now if there was one table in the middle of a room I will trip over it and hit my head on it when I’m trying to pick myself up off the floor. I look like I’ve been in a fight half the time from the “bumped into something” bruises. I’m just not used to my new body, so in a way I’m like a toddler- a giant toddler with greater momentum.
Don’t despair though! It may feel like you are going back through your awkward high school phase, but you’ll eventually adjust. In the meantime I try to embrace that old experiences can feel new, since it’s like I’m doing it for the first time. And can there be a better time to try a new physical activity? If I’m going to fall over anyway I have nothing to lose, and tripping over something is a great way to meet people.
And Doctors… ouch!
3. Fitting Room Freak Outs
I don’t buy a lot of new clothes. I don’t have time, I can’t usually afford it, and I don’t mind looking like a homeless person because I have social anxiety and people talking to me freaks me out. That being said, I haven’t taken a lot of care in my personal appearance in the past, so when I did finally go out to buy something that fit, I had no idea what size I was. It was a strange feeling walking into the fitting room with five different sizes of jeans. When I found out I went from a 14 to a 6, I felt sick. I hadn’t been that size ever. I had, ahem, “blossomed” from little girls sizes straight into Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie, skipping anything in-between and sporting stretch marks like I’d been mauled by a freaking tiger. I sat in the fitting room crying and staring at my body until I could manage to stop making that hoarse choking sound and at least pretend to walk out like I was a normal person.

I had expected to be happy- and I was, but I wasn’t expecting the shock and the regret. I hadn’t prepared to go out shopping that day and have an emotional breakdown and a life-altering epiphany, but it was like seeing for the first time. I was awash with regret that I had let it go this long, that I had let it go so far. That I had made so many excuses for things that were not worth the damage to my body.
I reaffirmed my goals and set my sights higher in that JCPenny’s fitting room, and as I type this another 30 lbs lighter and the healthiest I have ever been, I don’t have to think back to that day almost a year ago, because this still happens to me sometimes. I look at my waist and arms like they’re foreign objects, or like I’m looking at an alien, instead of my own body that I’ve been living in for more than two decades. Sometimes it makes me want to spin into a regret spiral, but other times I just hear the 90’s power chick music in my head and let my pride glow. That feeling is what will make you get up at five in the morning to workout, because it’s surreal, amazing, and like becoming a new person.
4. Skinny = Dumb
I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent person. I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Plant and Soil Science with a specialization in Soil Physics, I’m teaching myself to code in Java, and I speak a fair bit of Japanese. However, the second I put on clothing that halfway fit and learned how to wear makeup all of that went right out the window for most people. It’s like all of the sudden I dropped 50lbs and my assumed IQ had to drop just as many points. My resume, speech, or abilities had no merit; people assume I’m an airhead before they even spend 10 seconds talking to me.

I somewhat expected this, I’d be a fool to say that I hadn’t expected to be perceived differently on some level, but it’s overwhelming. In my professional world I’ve found that it’s not enough to just look nice, I have to cultivate an appearance that says I’m sharp and quirky, otherwise people assume I got my job through something other than my professional ability. Everyone is quick to put you in the hot dumb girl box, and sometimes it’s fun to rattle off some technical details, or a coherent thought about political events, and see the surprise on people’s face that betrays their initial impression that I was stupid.
I thought I’d get in shape and I would suddenly at least have the appearance that I have my crap together, but instead I’ve stumbled into a new world that I hadn’t expected. Fashion, perception, and the sudden sense that I’m not believable as myself is just another thing that I have to become accustomed to. For someone that wore men’s clothes and no makeup until after 25, it’s a brave new world.
5. Friends or Haters?
Throughout my weight loss journey or experience or whatever you want to call it, I asked friends and family to join me. And like most people I met with limited success. Life gets in the way and- probably more important, everyone has a different level of resolve. Some people just aren’t ready to really accept the challenges and changes that you will have to make to realize meaningful results. That’s okay, I hope everyone finds a way to get there and find that power within themselves. But when you get results and your loved ones are still struggling, finding the words is hard.

Most people will ask how you did it, and you can tell them that it was a series of gradual changes and hard work that through steady determination paid off. But if they aren’t ready to make that change they will often give you a laundry list of excuses of why that won’t work for them. Be ready to hear “I don’t have time like you do”, “It’s not easy for me because I have children/job/insert obligation”, or “I tried that and it just doesn’t work for me”. Sometimes it feels like everyone is invalidating your efforts, as though you didn’t have any struggles along the way and for whatever reason you are just lucky. I try to just remind myself that what people are really saying is that they are afraid, they don’t know what their lives would look like to make the changes and they are already stressed to the breaking point.
Don’t take it personally, they aren’t trying to be hurtful, it’s just that standing in front of a friend with your success has a funny way of making you into a mirror that reflects their own disappointment in themselves. Use that moment to encourage your friends! You never know when building someone else up instead of taking offence could change someone’s life.

When it comes to losing weight, there are a million pieces of advice out there on how to reach your goals, but the reality is those goals are going to constantly change and grow. And that’s a good thing! We are all works in progress and things changing are what spices up our lives. Be ready for some challenges and above all, don’t give up! You’ve got this!
