In Defense of Online Dating

I tricked a beautiful woman into marrying me — you can too!

My fiancé hates that I’m self-deprecating.

Allow me to admit readily, half the purpose of writing that first sentence is because I love referring to Miss as my fiancé. I only get to enjoy that for about six months and I can’t get enough of it – fiancé.

Miss hates when I poke fun of myself. It’s all in jest; I’m actually quite fond of myself. But I’m a loud, overweight bastard with a goofy haircut and glasses that have labeled me a hipster. It’s for these reasons and more that it took an online dating site to find Miss.

My best friend is the type of person for which online dating was invented. Let me preface by saying I love her dearly. She’s creative, has awesome taste in music, always has good whiskey recommendations, loves Jesus Christ and a million other reasons. However, she’s also shy, admittedly awkward and ambiguous. And she hates the concept of online dating.

Let’s not forget her best friend met his future wife on eHarmony. Her two older brothers did the same. Still, the stigma of meeting someone online is too much for this woman.

I could live with her refusal to give the cyber-dating scene a try if she was content with being single, but no. She’s always fawning after some guy or talking about meeting a man.

So why would such a shy catch steer clear of online dating? My best friend says she wants the meet-cute. The story she can tell forever about how she met her husband in a coffee shop or the produce aisle at Whole Foods, or whatever overpriced grocer is hip at the time.

I don’t give a shit that my wife and I don’t have a meet-cute. I saw her profile, we talked for a couple weeks, then we met for coffee and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

Did you catch the important part? We’ve been inseparable ever since! I’m never leaving Miss’ side again! Regardless of the fact our first impression was through a computer screen.

Now that I’m airing grievances, some say the stigma of online dating is gone. I’m afraid not. If the stigma had magically disappeared, then we wouldn’t have to defend the medium by declaring the death of a stigma.

Not to mention, every person who asks where Miss and I met responds one of two ways: “Oh…” with a nod, pretending not to judge.

Or they say, “Well, my niece/coworker/barber/mailman’s gay neighbor met their significant other on <insert online dating site here>.”

I don’t justify online dating. Please don’t feel the need to justify it for me. Unless my best friend is around, then justify away! Tell stories of lonely hearts adjoined, make it as romantic as possible!

Now to the real crux of the matter – this is likely the closest I’ll get to signing my best friend up for an online dating profile. So, if you know any tall, nerdy men who like short, stubborn, Asian women, reach out to me.