An Open Letter to George RR Martin

Dear George,

I have just finished Game of Thrones and greatly enjoyed it. Of course no book is perfect so I thought I would give you some friendly advice on how to become an even better writer. I hope it is of some help.

• At several occasions it seemed a gun could have helped the protagonists. Maybe guns weren’t invented in this book. But it could have been helpful for you to make a note. Something like: “Ned was surrounded, twelve swords to one, there was no hope *

* also guns weren’t invented at this time so that particular option was out.”

• The Cersei and Jamie Lanister characters, were they brother and sister? That’s weird. It seems that you could have made it clearer that you also thought that was weird. Maybe by having Bran say “you’re brother and sister, that’s weird” before the Kingslayer threw him from the tower. Simple narrative tricks like that can help.
• At times I did not understand some of the ‘medieval’ words used, a more thorough glossary may have helped. What do the following words mean? Ser, Craven, Tourney, Maester, Imp, Septon, Eunuch, Whore, Castle, Horse.
• On several occasions characters (I’m mainly referring to Lord Petyr Balish here) said one thing, but meant another. It got quite confusing. Perhaps if you had put all the lies in bold it would be simpler for the reader.
• I was disappointed with the lack of catchphrases. ‘Winter is Coming’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as “I’ll be back”, “say hello to my little friend” or “welcome to Jurassic Park”. A few suggestions:

For Ned: “Winter is Coming, and that’s SNOW joke” or “I’m too COLD for this shit”

For Jon: “The bastard’s back” (He could say this every time he re-enters a room. As it stands he doesn’t re-enter a room at any point in the book but a quick re-edit could resolve that)

For Tyrion Lannister: “I’m sorry, I’m a little short” (again, a re-edit would be needed so that he is asked for money on several occasions)

Any supporting characters: “Things just got interesting”

• The Arya character is quite a tomboy. Would it not be easier to just make her an actual boy?
• The Cersai and Joffrey characters in particular are very unpleasant. Now of course each and every story needs some ‘baddies’, but it would have been nice to see them get their comeuppance at the end. Maybe Arya (or Aryan as HE would now be known) could throw a bucket of water over them and everyone would laugh. Perhaps in their humiliation they could learn the error of their ways. And King Ned (bear with me on this) could give them a job in the kitchens, where they would no doubt squabble!
• What possessed you to kill off Ned? It’s clear to anyone with a knowledge of a how a good story works that you let the hero live, and finally triumph. How wonderful a spectacle would it be to have KING Ned reunited with his family and all the dogs (dogs are cuter than wolves). Laughing as Hodor gets his lines wrong while being knighted for services to the realm.

Anyway I hope these points are of some use to you. And please don’t get too down about the criticism, I am a hard man to please! Aside from these points though I thought it was a rip-roaring read and look forward to starting the next exciting chapter.

Kind regards,

Kevin

(This first appeared on the sadly departed ramp.ie in March 2013)