Wishlist: Online dating for the shy and forgetful
For those like me who suck at people.Period.
I struggle to focus my energy on many things, my relationships with friends and family, my Computer Science self-studies, my consulting work. And so I wish there was a way to meet interesting people without having to network or take a risk and attending a friend’s social event with people I might not jell with.
What if there was a way to replicate how we form bonds in real life but at stages where the opportunity cost of hanging out with mismatches is much higher — in post-university life?
I am convinced that we form strong bonds with individuals when:
- They are randomly selected;
- Within a wide social circle that helps you pre-filter each potential match; And;
- And when we pick up signals that we have shared affinities (value systems, things we enjoy, religion, aspirations, etc.);
- Lastly, we are able to love these individuals when we have shared meaningful experiences.
The problem with dating apps for romance and friendship is that they only replicate point 1 and really mess up point 3–4. Knowing that somebody posted their best picture online and enjoys tennis is not a meaningful signal. Meeting them for a superficial coffee is also not a meaningful experience, it is often an interview.
Lastly the flaw with how dating apps today execute on point 1 is that the process is not truelly random. What happens is that we filter for tennis, Michael Jackson and college degrees in an effort to reduce the search space — and then get hit by the paradox of choice. We either struggle to choose or end up evaluating potential matches based on an arbitrary bar — this naturally applies to those with more buying power — more likely heterosexual women.
I wish we had a dating application to meet friends and romance by:
- Meaningful event search as filter 1: Allowing us to select meaningful experiences as the first filter — I would select a poetry event to go to, and then be able to search for profiles of people to connect with who would be going to the same event.
- Meaningful reflections as filter 2: Ask a different set of questions to minimise the search space after obvious data points such as geography and age. What do you care about the most? What experience changed you for the better?
- Experience each other, ditch the interview: We would be able to connect at the poetry event and discuss their meaningful answers.
- Friends as more efficient search: Connecting with friends on the platform to follow the same events that they follow. That way I would no which places are interesting to go to based on people that I trust — not a ‘peopleless’ algorithm.
- Gamify the speed chat as to combat the paradox of choice: If a user struggles with the paradox of choice then they could enter a speed video chat with 10 people to answer fun questions similar to the game 30-seconds. They could then find someone to connect with after the speed video chat.
None of what I mentioned above is realistic anyway. But it would be nice.
