You are here and you are not. You are feeling it but you still choose to not believe it. You are lying down on the ground in the middle of nowhere. You body is on the ground, your soul is floating in the vast blue sky you are looking at. You feel numb and yet you continue to feel happy. I mean what is better than floating between the clouds. You close your eyes to take a break and breathe in. You breathe out and open your eyes to find yourself lying on your bed in your room. You don’t even get surprised. You are used to it. You don’t move from your bed, you just keep lying there. You move your right hand under your head and you put your left on your chest than you do what you do best. Think. That’s what has been happening with me lately. I’m struggling to find what reasons I’m writing for. Am I doing it for me? Or am I doing it for you? Do I care? No, do you care? I’m forcing myself to keep believing that everybody should care about each other. That’s what I’m taught and that’s how my creator and the rules I’m following say it should be. Meanwhile, the whole world is forcing me to believe the opposite. I know I’m supposed to fight for what I believe in but damn, I need breaks. Rest is needed to win any fight. No matters how strong we can get, humans have limits. I need breaks and that’s why I’m here. Just taking a break. I’ve been writing a lot lately. Writing while being in the classroom, writing while going back home, writing while being at home and writing while I’m supposed to be asleep. And if I’m not writing, I’m reading. It just helps clearing my mind. When I write something I want to find words that can make you feel the same way I’m feeling. I want to share what I exactly feel with you. Nothing more, nothing less but lately I’ve been fucking it up. You know what you want to be and where you want to be and you keep working on it day and night. Then when you decide you take a rest, you realize you are running out of time and instead of freaking out you remain calm because you know where freaking out is going to lead you. You are so aware of everything expect the fact that you are not doing what you would love to do and you are not saying what you would love to say. Everything we do is supposed to be done out of love but everything we do is done because we are told it is needed to be done. I mean how many of you did what you really wanted to do lately. Not me, obviously. I still choose to be where I don’t want to be every morning and I can’t really blame anyone but myself. “We are our choices.” Being somewhere you don’t want to be is your choice and it is going to stay your choice no matter how long you are going to explain and make reasons for it. And because I chose to stay awake till this time and keep writing, it doesn’t mean I’m not feeling okay and I’m going to fuck things up. I’m going to get up and continue working on my dreams the minute I post this. Life is all ups and downs but if you don’t resist, it is going to be just downs.
This is my first time here and I really don’t know what I’m doing. I think I will be writing here more often but you can check my blog. The Labyrinthine.
I’m working on writing a story, it is not going well but it’s okay.
Meet you when it is done.