‘Entourage’ Episode Ideas From Someone Who Has Never Seen ‘Entourage.’

My fiancée Jennifer Wright took me to see the Entourage movie, even though I had never seen an episode of Entourage. Based on what I observed in the movie alone, and have absorbed about Entourage through pop-culture osmosis over the past twenty (?) years, I hope the producers of Entourage will consider my following episode ideas for a potential a revival:

  1. E is worried because Vince hasn’t rehearsed his jokes for the Comedy Central Roast of O.J. Simpson. Meanwhile, Turtle gets a mailbox pregnant.
  2. Johnny Drama is excited to have booked an audition for a dog food commercial — until he realizes he is up for the part of the dog. He eats dish after dish of dog food, each time turning to the camera and delivering the line, “With the same ancient grains our ancestors fed the first domesticated wolves!” He fails to land the part, but gets the phone number of an attractive make-up artist. Meanwhile, Ari is perplexed by a complicated new smartphone.
  3. Turtle is in critical condition after eating too much candy. Meanwhile, Vince goes on a date with a woman who is never referred to by name.
  4. The boys poke fun at Johnny Drama when it is revealed that he has never had swimming lessons. He vows to learn, but tries to impress a female swim instructor by diving headfirst into the shallow end, and spends the rest of the episode in a wheelchair, coma. Meanwhile, Vince bets Ari that he cannot give up bread.
  5. Steven Spielberg drops by to call Vince the greatest living actor. E pukes from anxiety, causing him to totally blow it with a cute barista.
  6. In researching a movie about riding the bus, Vince falls asleep on the bus, leading to an argument between E and Ari about who should pick him up at the airport bus terminal. Meanwhile, Turtle is hit by lightning in a pool.
  7. E is worried because Vince hasn’t memorized his lines for a new Tarzan movie, Tarzan Origins. Ari purchases a Russian woman so he can watch as a construction vehicle buries her in sand.
  8. Johnny Drama is worried that an old tattoo — a skeleton with dice for eyes — will hurt his chances to play “Shirtless Burn Victim #4.” Meanwhile, Vince is given an unprecedented two Best Actor Oscars for his performance as Helen Keller’s husband in Senseless Love.
  9. The boys go to IKEA to research Vince’s role as the founder of IKEA, but end up having sex with married women in all of the beds.
  10. Turtle and Johnny Drama start a comedic daredevil juggling act called “Close Shaves,” but their lack of trust causes them to totally blow an opportunity to open for Penn & Teller in Las Vegas. Meanwhile, Ari slits the throat of a professional rival’s dog.
  11. E’s begs Vince to allow him to pose Vince’s apartment as his own in order to impress his visiting parents, but the plan backfires when they find a closet full of Vince’s meticulously organized sex tapes and guns. Turtle gets a job retrieving Dustin Hoffman’s golf balls from the bottom of a pond.
  12. Ari’s mayoral bid is cut short after he drops numerous “F-bombs” on a local TV morning show while accusing them of anti-semitism. Turtle and Johnny Drama take mushrooms at a halloween-themed paintball course and become convinced the monsters are real.
  13. In this very special Christmas episode, no one is sure if Ari celebrates Christmas. The boys compromise by sending him a naked woman covered with red and green sushi. Turtle meets Prancer.

The producers of Entourage can reach me at @Kibblesmith on Twitter, if they have wi-fi on their boat.