And a response that makes me think just as much!

Hey thanks, Kate. You don’t want to know from which hellish depths I derive my knowledge. (laughing) I’m back from Hades, guys! What a trip.

When someone is contrite, when they apologise – no matter how truly sorry they are – it doesn’t change the fact that there has been an act that needs forgiveness in the first place. That beautiful plate, accidentally or not, has been smashed.

When we forgive, we are trying to wipe out the smash, and pretend the plate is exactly the same. It isn’t. It’s a new entity. So to me, there is an unconscious ‘forget’ implied in the forgiving.

Hence the phrase 'forgive and forget’.

What I learned from your response, actually, is that my piece was more geared toward people who choose not to accept apologies or continue on with some people. And that’s OK. Because when you tell someone that it’s important to 'forgive’, or important to 'forgive' this person (especially to level up to good personhood), then you invalidate very real feelings, complex relationship history, the power of choice, and the processes that even informed that decision, which can be even more difficult than 'forgiving' someone. You make people feel even guiltier than they already feel. Also, some behavior is isolated whilst some behavior is an actual part of character. It’s tricky, especially when DNA is involved.

It’s very complicated, as many people 'forgive' for self-serving reasons as well. Has nothing to do with how 'good' or saintly they are.

Thanks again for this. When I wrote the piece, it made sense and I knew why I was writing it, but I actually didn’t have a clear sense of who it was for. Peer interactive writing is pretty amazing sometimes. How people make different sense from your writing. ;-)