I've been meaning to write you a letter for some time and now that I have this blank “sheet” of paper in front of me all my idea seem to have vanished (It’s not helping that you're trying to have a deep conversation about chivalry and the role it plays in our generation). So I'm just really going to freestyle this and be the dope writer that I always knew I could be.
[Sidenote: You just linked chivalry to Christianity.. ahh.. of course you did]
Going into this relationship I don't think that I knew what challenges or difficulty would accompany it, nor did I realize how much you would push me to do better and help me learn about myself. So for that I'm thankful. But I don't feel as if I've helped you as much you I.
We're so alike in some ways. Somedays I feel like we're totally perfect for each other. We know exactly what the other is going to do, in a constant state of euphoria. I like those times. I love those times.
But then there’s those times where it feels like we just can’t connect at all. Where one of us can't be around the other without getting agitated as fuck, and it’s on those days that I hate this. I hate it, hate it, hate it. Not you. Just us being disjointed and unwilling to put aside our irritation or whatever else is going on to make the other feel better.
No, I'm not placing the blame on you. Lord knows I'm guilty of it. I'm just telling you my perspective.
But the good times outweigh the bad so unless that changes I don't see this ending.
One thing that does bother me is your low self esteem. It’s something you're constantly battling with and you've gotten soo much better. But even though you're getting better it still bothers me when you say things like:
“No one wants me”
I’m not the best looking guy in the world, I'm fully aware of that. But.. I grew to learn that you're your biggest fan and if you don't lift yourself up then how can you expect anyone else to? Maybe that’s a reason why I took to Kanye (besides the amazing music) because he had the confidence that I wanted.
And while my confidence isn't nearly on his level I finally deem it at an acceptable level, people around me often tell me I'm too cocky, or that i'm overly arrogant. While I don't agree with that.. If my confidence offends you please feel free to exit stage left.
I said all of that just to make this point.
You're not the best looking girl in the entire world, and even though I may think so I'm sure many people would argue with me. But they can't say that you're not attractive, and aren't pretty. You swear up and down that I'm the only guy that finds you attractive but I know that isn't true.
You are wonderful.
You are beautiful.
You are great.
You are worth it.
And I want you to remember this. Of course I'll be your reminder whenever you need it, but I may not always be available and I just want you to remember even if we don't end up together. Those four sentences are still nothing but the truth. It doesn't feel good when you put yourself down. And even though I'm lifting you up I need your help. Don’t want you taking apart what I'm trying to put together.
I love you,