Universe – give me a break.

Dear Universe,

This year has been one hell of an arduous journey for me. Sighs. I fought so many battles within; I’m still fighting. My anxiety peaked – never had it this bad. I keep telling myself it’s for the better, but would there be an end to this? I sometimes go to bed wishing morning would never come, and then transit to where I can only hear the birds chirping while viewing a graceful river and a mountain, but wishes are not horses. I’ve been innocently thrown into an emotional tumult; my mental health is compromised.

The questions I keep asking:

Do I deserve all these?

Why should I go through this?

Why can’t I have it easy?

Can the universe give me a break?

I’m just a boy wishing for the better. I’ve been good all my life, but why is the universe tough on me? A hope for a better future became a thorn in my flesh. Everything became scarier when my trusted ally deserted when the battle became fierce, except for a few. Even the ones I thought would come to my rescue left me with my scars.

Maybe I reached beyond my grasp; maybe I bit more than I could chew; I could perhaps have said No; maybe I should have followed my instincts; maybe I should have lived without a dream; maybe it’s better to live as an ordinary man, maybe I deserve all this – maybe, just maybe.

The thought of everything is gradually taking my heart out of me. A horrible feeling builds in my stomach each time I remember all I’m going through. I sincerely wish the universe could give me a break. I’ve been fighting, and I want it to end. I no longer care who loses or wins – I just want it all to end. I’m tired, I’m shattered, I’m out of breath. I’ve been in this long, dark tunnel for too long. I often read there’s light at the end of the tunnel; will I ever see the light?

If my plea to the universe is to no avail – it was a good fight.