Why you need to choose Peace and Hope in the storm

Walking into the Unknown with Helene Rennervik

What would you do if your child was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness? And how would you react if there was no treatment available for that illness in your country? Would you panic? Go into a shock? Would you numb yourself? Or blame God? Or, would you choose to find peace in the storm? Choose to take one moment at a time? My guest this week experienced a similar situation and leaned into hope and positivity to tide over the challenging times. In this interview, you will find out how.

My eleventh guest for ‘Walking into the Unknown’ series in Helene Rennervik, a Success coach based in Sweden.

Helene offers private coaching to individuals and helps them design their lives. She also provides group coaching and workshop sessions that help companies achieve their objectives and goals.

Question: When did you decide to walk into the unknown?

Helene: In Feb 2015, my youngest son broke his leg. I didn’t think much of this incident at that time. I thought it was normal for children to fall, get bruises, or even a fracture while playing football. I took my son to the emergency where the doctors put his leg in a cast. As expected, my son was going to be on crutches for six weeks.

About three weeks later, my son tripped on his crutches and fell. He was in excruciating pain, so I took him to the ER. Upon getting an X-ray, the doctor told me my son broke his leg again. I was puzzled; how can a broken leg in a cast break again? As the doctors ran more tests and a CT scan, they told me that my son might have Ewing’s sarcoma (cancer of bone). My mom had passed away from cancer a few years ago, so I knew first-hand about it. However, the thought of a child getting cancer had never crossed my mind until then. As a mother, when your child gets sick, you feel it even more. You want to save your child, and do everything, so they don’t feel the pain.

And as if this news wasn’t enough, the doctors at Dubai hospital told me that there was no treatment available for my son in the Middle East and asked me to move back home, to Sweden. This news was shocking, to say the least, because I had been living in Dubai for over 25 years. In my mind, Dubai was home; it’s where I had all my friends, my family, and my support system.

So to have the doctor tell me to move to Europe for my son’s treatment shook me because I barely knew anyone there. That was a huge unknown for me because I didn’t know which country I was supposed to go to, how I would find the right doctor or choose the best possible treatment for my son. That was the beginning of a journey that I had no idea when or how it would end. Would it end with my son dying? Because most of the time, when a person hears cancer, they think of dying.

Question: How did that decision of walking into the unknown pan out for you?

Helene: Walking into the unknown meant that I had to leave Dubai, my home, my three other kids, my friends, a thriving career, and everything else behind. I didn’t know how long I would be away. I had no idea where I was going to live and how things were going to work out.

Breaking the news of the diagnosis to my son was a challenge in its own right. How do you tell a child he has cancer? Thankfully, my eldest daughter is a gifted therapist and shared the news in a child-friendly way; taking long pauses and being reassuring.

One of my friends in Dubai referred us to a Cancer specialist in Germany, so we decided to take our son to Germany instead of exploring treatment options elsewhere. The Cancer specialist performed a biopsy on my son’s leg and told me that my son had to undergo surgery to remove a part of his leg. This specialized surgery, however, could not be performed at the German hospital we were at. So, we then had to find a surgeon who could perform this intricate surgery and thankfully found one in Sweden.

On July 15, 2015, my son got operated. As I said goodbye to my son in the operating theater, I didn’t know if I would see him again. My heart broke as I walked out of the operating room, and yet, I chose to embrace that moment. As my son was getting operated, I went out to sit in a park. I remember I was present in every step I took in that park; I heard the birds, the leaves. I felt as if time had stood still. Knowing that there was nothing I could control — I surrendered; I surrendered everything to God. That was the precise moment I truly stepped into the unknown.

It was the moment I accepted that I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I can choose my thoughts, feelings, and emotions in this NOW moment.

With God’s grace, my son’s surgery was a success. But it could have also been a different outcome. There are still many unknowns in my son’s healing journey, and I am letting each day unfold as it needs to.

Once my son healed from the operation, I decided to get back to work. In 2016, I decided to become a life coach. In retrospect, it was the best decision I made. I see the impact I get to make through my work, and that brings me a lot of joy. One of the things I tell everyone I work with is; you have to become aligned with who you are meant to be in this world. Because really, who has seen tomorrow? If you know that something is not right for you, get out! What are you waiting for?

In 2017, I also decided to write a book about my son’s journey. The book is titled ‘Hoping and Coping.’ You know some people say, oh, hope — it’s just hope. But if you give up hope, what are you going to lean on? I also included ‘coping’ in the title because some days, coping was the only thing I could do. You know there are things that you can do to make a situation better.

I remember one time when I was in the hospital, it was dark outside, and I felt particularly sad and lonely. It had been a really hard day. It was so dark outside, and it was raining. And then suddenly this lightning came up from nowhere, and it felt, yes, even in the darkest moment there is light.

Question: What are the three lessons you learned through this journey?

Helene: The first lesson I learned is never to lose hope. You can choose to be present and enjoy every moment because you never know what life is going to throw at you. My mind always tries to look for what is positive even in the darkest moment. The thing is that what’s positive for me isn’t necessarily positive for you, so you have to look within for answers. Through this journey, I have also come to appreciate and embrace all my emotions. I have allowed myself to be human; which meant if I felt overwhelmed, then I would let myself have a good cry.

The second lesson I learned is to ask empowering questions. When you think you have all the answers, you literally stop looking for miracles and opportunities. A question can change the energy of any situation you find yourself in. Whenever something challenged me, I would ask, “What else is possible now?, What can I do to change this for the greater?, What’s right about this?, What else might I choose to feel right now?” Every time I asked myself these questions, I was able to change my thoughts into something positive.

The third lesson I learned was that as a parent, it is my responsibility to take care of myself. If my child is relying on me, and if I’m overtired or under-nourished, then my child will suffer. It’s easy to become impatient, overwhelmed, and inattentive when you are taking care of a sick child. Caring for yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary. As a parent, you can’t be everywhere at once; play your part to the best of your ability.

To conclude,

Here is what Helene’s son says about cancer, “There are days that are really tough and shitty, but there are days that are really fun. Enjoy the time you have, and don’t think about the negative.” Perhaps, this sounds profound coming from a 9-year-old? Let these wise words remind you that there is always something good to notice, even though some days you might have to look quite hard to find it.

I hope you learned valuable lessons from Helene’s sharing. Please make sure to connect with Helene on LinkedIn, Instagram and her Website. You can get a copy of Helene’s book here.

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If you struggle with Fear and Failure, then make sure to check out my book on Overcoming Fear and Failure here.