Not All Feminists

A column of low-res photos about how feminism is unnecessary just popped up on my Tumblr dash. Women of all races, religions, and sizes wrote their opinions of feminism as they saw it. One woman in a hijab said “I can form my own opinions without the influence of other women, politicians, and liberal college professors.” another said, “#yesallwomen has no right to speak for me!”

“Feminism is the irrational fear of men disguised as equality,”

“I am not a victim.”

It went on and on. Lists of reasons why feminism was going too far, how it was too political, how feminists wanted “power without responsibility.” Can I just make a distinction here? Because there’s a difference between feminism and misandry.

Misandrists preach the superiority of women over the inferiority of men. They accuse stay-at-home mothers of setting feminism back a decade. They view all veiled Muslim women as victims of oppression, and would rip the voluntary signs of devotion from their heads. These “feminists” are also known as TERFs or Trans-Exclusionary (or even exterminationist) Radical Feminists. This is because of their almost violent hatred of trans people, who they see as perverts.

Then there are “anti-feminists” like the woman in the picture above. These people are reacting against misandry, or their personal ideology is conservative. They may want to close the wage gap if they believe it exists. They may want to do something about sexual assault. They just don’t support the black lives matter movement. Or the LGBTQ+ movement. Or maybe they are against abortion and/or birth control. As someone who grew up as a homophobic republican Christian pro-lifer, I can see their perspective. I just don’t agree with it.

How is it possible to go from one extreme to the other?

Easy. I found feminism after I was sexually assaulted.

I thought I did something to deserve it, and there was a part of me that thought it might not have been rape at all. We were dating, right? It’s something he’s entitled to, right? So I asked Google.

And I found something. From there, I learned about consent. What it was. What it wasn’t. The fact that I didn’t give it. Feminism told me that I had internalized society’s penchant for victim-blaming. Feminism told me that I wasn’t damaged goods. Feminism told me that I wasn’t broken. Feminism was vital to my healing process.

Feminists don’t say that women should forego being a stay at home mom if that’s what she wants to do. It just says women should be able to make that choice for themselves without judgment. Feminism doesn’t say that women are lesser if they don’t have casual sex. It says women should be able to do so if they want without being labeled a “slut” or “whore.”

“What about men, they’re not privileged, they have their own issues too!” We do address the concerns of men- the idea that the only acceptable emotion a man can have is anger, how femininity in men is demonized, etc. it’s called “toxic masculinity” and you should look it up. We just also address the fact that men have privilege. In general, society makes it easier to be a man than a woman.

One anti-feminist said, “I value the contributions men have made to history.” It’s not that feminists don’t, we just realize and celebrate the many women that have too. And many more women would have if there wasn’t such an uphill battle just to be taken seriously by male contemporaries. And by the way, your faves are problematic. Most of those great men were wildly sexist and racist.

And yes, the wage gap is real. The statistic if 78 cents to a man’s dollar is for the same position, same job, same experience. Women are less likely to negotiate salaries, but that’s because the women who do are shut down. Men who ask for raises are “go-getters” while women who do the same are “pushy.” This statistic doesn’t include how jobs that women now predominate are seen as “women’s work” and go down in value. Teaching used to be male dominated, now it’s lower-salary. And it works in reverse too — the fields of mathematics and computer science have gone up in salary to compensate for the now dominant male workforce. (For evidence of this, Look up Annie Jump Cannon. And Margaret Hamilton. And Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr.)

#yesallwomen does speak for you, actually. It was created to speak to the fear women experience just walking around outside. We have every reason to be terrified of men. Women have been attacked and killed just for saying “no.” Any strange man who “flirts,” any “nice guy” could go into a rage when rejected. We’d accept your offers to pick us up at our place, but too many of you have stalked, murdered, and raped us.

Furthermore, if a woman is uncomfortable with the way a man treats her, there’s a fucking reason. For example, at the beginning of my relationship with my ex, he was chivalrous. He held doors for me, he had a cute nickname for me, and he liked to stroke the palms of my hands with his thumbs. He saw this as currency in exchange for sex. I said no, and he didn’t stop. Now if anyone does any of that I immediately feel sick, if I don’t hyperventilate or re-experience my assault in vivid detail. I’ve asked some friends to stop, and one of them rolled his eyes and let out a huge sigh when I did. When I asked again, he grew annoyed and even a bit angry with me.

If you’re not infuriated with what I’ve written about so far, you should be. You should be furious that women are still seen as lesser when it comes to jobs. The fact that it’s unsafe for us to exist in public alone. That society makes it so much harder to live up to expectations as a woman.

Everyone should be feminist.

Feminism is inclusive of Gender Identity. Cis men can be feminists. Trans people can be feminists.

Feminism is inclusive of sexuality- Straight, Gay, Bisexual, or Asexual, they can all be feminists.

Feminism is inclusive of religion- Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Buddhists, and Pagans can all be feminists.

Feminism is inclusive of race. Black, White, Asian, Indigenous, and Latinx people can be feminists.

Feminism is inclusive of size and class and age and disability and neurodivergence and anything else you could think of.

You know who can’t be feminist? People who fight against the rights of the oppressed.

Feminism is the act of taking the stories you hear on the news and doing something about it. If that looks “political,” it’s because the government should be doing something. We’re just pointing it out.

If we “attack” those who don’t label themselves as feminists, it’s because we want to educate. It’s because we want to distance ourselves from misandrists. It’s because we want to tell people that our feminism is inclusive. That not every feminist they meet will be like the ones before. That feminism learns from its mistakes.

There are many valid reasons for not wanting to associate with the word “feminist.” The movement has been rife with exclusion and problems in the past. First and Second wave feminism were known for their exclusion and ignorance of LGBT and Race issues. But if you think feminism isn’t needed because women aren’t oppressed anymore, you’re dead wrong.

TL;DR: Feminism protects and supports women of all stripes. It takes the stance that women have the right to choose, and that women deserve equal treatment. Nothing more, nothing less.