Shit Test examples
Yes, in each instance the “problem” is not what she is making into the problem. She has a problem, but she doesn’t understand it so she’s trying to make it Your Problem.
Taking your examples
- It is clear something is up…but, they won’t say when asked?
She may not even know why she’s upset or she just may want attention and is throwing a tantrum or causing a scene (but it’s a quiet, private scene that exists in your emotional well being not in a public sphere like a crying fit, so it’s harder to distinguish from a rational reaction to something). She’s creating a “scene” in your mind/heart. no one else can see it but you can feel it and you don’t know how to fix it because you don’t know what’s wrong. Imagine a toddler freaking out because the crust is not cut off a sandwich. Is it really the crust? or is the toddler too tired, too hungry, just reacting because he doesn’t know how to handle his own emotions.
2. Delayed anger or ask. Two weeks after an “event”, which of course we men did not know happened, she shows up with:
This is less a shit test then just manipulation. But if she doesn’t think the “crime” fits her emotional state, she will just accumulate more crimes and blame her exaggerated emotional state on an accumulation of grievances. There’s no defense against this. And again, it’s her own inability to handle her emotions and then rationalizing her level of emotional response so the responsibility of resolving it is on you.
3. An outburst of random seeming anger, then walks away…leaving you bewildered.
Definite shit test. Again, imagine a toddler walking up to you, punching your arm then storming off wanting you to follow. If you follow, you are rewarding the behavior. If you ignore, you feel like you are neglecting. You can’t win. The problem is not you but is the toddler who blames you for everything and wants you to regulate his comfort and emotions.
4. “We need to talk…two weeks ago I felt ‘X’…can you change your behavior to ‘Y’ the next such event?”
Her emotions are constantly in flux because her hormones are constantly in flux. These two articles might help.
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