I’m going to tell you somethings you already know, but I want you to see them in someone else’s “handwriting”:
It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be questioning of your mind, your emotions, your plan of action. It’s absolutely okay to take it at a pace that you are comfortable with — or at least, not so uncomfortable that you freeze and can’t do it.
If it helps, think of it as a very sad, very bad story that you are going to hear about someone else’s experiences. And it’s okay to be sympathetic / empathetic to the child you hold within yourself. (It would be weird if you didn’t!) The “pay-off” will be knowledge that can help you live a more peaceful life now. What we can imagine as the worst is usually far worse than what it really was. (Not downplaying how bad it really was, but let’s face it, our brains just love to show us ALL of the possibilities, even the most bizarre and awful ones. Or maybe it will be worse…but it’s history and there’s nothing that can be done to change it. It just acknowledging and then moving forward with who and where you are TODAY.)
And I repeat what I told you the other day: You’ve got this. Bob and Sharkey, the child and you: the Sarah Team, better than the A-Team! And of course, your therapist as guide and interpreter and non-judgmental fact seeker.
You can do it. Always in your own time frame, at your own pace — but from where I sit, this is a done deal.
Abide in the healing energies of the Universe. I send you some Zen hugs and good thoughts that it will go well.