What is worth living for? Here’s one suggestion:
Wesley is mostly dead
As Mad Max says, “to blave” means “to bluff”; you were probably making it up… (haha)
No, that’s not really the part that’s worth living for. What’s worth living for? True love, of course. And I don’t mean your Prince Charming…necessarily.
From my lofty vantage point, out here in the ether…it seems to me that you have been working towards learning to love yourself…your selves, each of them. We know that each one fulfills a necessary function, no matter how rough or unpleasant they may seem. Each of them is distinct, yet all are only a part of the being called Sarah. (Not really all that different from the rest of us, with our separate parts; you just have the advantage (?) of knowing them in rather extremely delineated form. Most of us are not that self aware.) But because they don’t talk to you — or each other, there’s the lack of cohesion and communication most of us have within our own minds.
You are, in most every sense of the word, pulling yourself together. And doing a fine job of it, as far as I can tell. The fact that you are making the effort at a point in life when most people would just shrug and plod on, same old, same old… This is a most noble cause.
As far as staking the tomatoes…that’s only to make them easier to pick. I read once about actually laying the plant horizontally on the ground and letting it grow there. (And you can buy those crazy hanging planters that have them growing upside down.) I do suggest going out when they are full of flowers and pick one flower, then (as my grandmother would say), rub their noses together. This also works with any other producing plant. You’re helping out the bees…and making sure that you’ll have plenty of tomatoes!
Congratulations on #99. I am looking forward to #100…and then the next 100 posts. I want to know how this all turns out!
Here’s a gratuitous photo to (hopefully) make you smile:

Peace and blessings and some more Zen hugs in case you’ve run out.
K