Kathleen Granville
Aug 27, 2017 · 2 min read

You said, “ Our biology programmes us to love our families. That is why it is so difficult for people who have dysfunctional families to come to terms with their separation from them.”

I call bullshit. I have a wildly dysfunctional family and I am glad, glad do you hear me?, to be separated from them. It keeps them alive and keeps me out of jail. My parents assume that I love them…because biology. I’m not really sure that I do. In fact, let me just say it out: I don’t really love them. They treat me in ways that I would never accept from strangers; they say things (and have said things) that I would never tolerate from anyone else. Why should I have to accept and tolerate such behavior from them? I don’t.

Being dependent upon someone and loving them are two very different things. A baby will bond with ANYONE who will take care of it — which is why foster care and adoption are workable programs. If we were truly “biologically programmed” to love our genetic parents, then babies without access to those parents (for whatever reason), would waste away and die and not thrive with anyone else. So there goes your reasoning.

What you are classifying as “love” is actually just familiarity and habit. MANY people do not love their family members (one or the whole bunch). And that’s the reality of genetic relationship. It’s a crap shoot and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Love has nothing to do with DNA and everything to do with common respect and concern. And the term “family” is a MUCH broader concept than just who happens to have mutual genetic coding.

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    Kathleen Granville

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