This is sad shit. :’(

As someone who’s social interactions are mainly though online discourse and being inside my own head (similar to the parts you mentioned above), I guess I just crave darkness because it’s at least honest about the existence of injures that We have (I’m still angry). Though dancing to it and the profit from it is disturbing (well, someone has to eat, in this horrible patriarchial exploitative economy we’re all hostages), I don’t think I would like it if I wasn’t already dysphoric myself. I feel basically desperation for media representation is what drives these songs in popularity.

I’m probably not a drug addict because I have a family history of addiction & I’ve been diagnosed with mental illness since I was like 8, though I’ve been special needs since I was 3 or maybe 2, so basically I could read the red flags (& got reminded of them constantly too). I tried getting addicted to caffeine for life experience though, and I guess that on the meds I was on for aforementioned mental illness and the sugar associated with the medium of caffeine ingestion that it was like I was on coke (cocaine not just the cola), based on what my mom was telling me. So because of my meds (we couldn’t tell if I was manic or not), I had to drop that crap. I still avoid caffeine to this day, but now I tend to just isolate myself (in disgust, like with the caffeine & the addictions you articulated), except though the internet, mental health appointments, and my parents.

Thank you for your articulations Holly Wood, they help.