Why touch-ups aren’t the answer to our problems or imperfections

Image of more than 100 names of slain Black people on storefront windows in Benson Business District, Omaha, NE, July 4, 2020
Image of more than 100 names of slain Black people on storefront windows in Benson Business District, Omaha, NE, July 4, 2020
Benson Business District, Omaha, NE July 4, 2020. Image by the author

A sad reality of car ownership is that eventually your prized possession will show signs of wear. The first time you see a small imperfection in your paint, is the beginning of a downhill battle.

Sure, you’ll fight it — at first. Maybe you’ll buy touch-up paint to hide the blemish, but really, it’s a pimple ready to burst. You just aren’t willing to admit it. Besides, the cover-up is a good match, albeit probably not perfect to your well-trained eye.

The freshly repaired surface hides what you don’t want to see. The disguise relieves your mind from the burden of thinking about the problem — the ugliness of it. …


Black and white mask image showing a smile and frown.
Black and white mask image showing a smile and frown.
Image credit: Renesmeewolfe via Pixabay.com

I’m angry and let me tell you why.

Every day I get up with the intention of helping others achieve their goals — their dreams. This is what I was born to do and I do it mainly through writing. For now.

But lately, like many others, I’m angry. This anger has come between me and my ability to write for you.

People in the United States are experiencing a level of turmoil that many have never seen or experienced before.

What can I write that’s uplifting? Hopeful? Encouraging?

A Biracial Paradox

Years ago, I wrote that I never knew I wasn’t black until a white person told me. Like many black/white biracial people, I identified with the black members of my family — even though I rarely saw them. …


How to keep your sh*t together in isolation

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Image by jacqueline macou from Pixabay

We all know that humans are social creatures. This is how we’ve survived and thrived for so long. And it isn’t any different now. Yes, we need to practice social distancing, but we’re a creative bunch!

Let’s start with comedian Sebastian Maniscalco’s take on social distancing.

Sebastian Maniscalco via https://youtu.be/MOIMo5S1tM4

The Holderness family’s got this on lock. They’re the ones who created the Christmas Jammies video that went viral in 2013. This will help you laugh today.

Holderness Family via https://youtu.be/B7iNEyoNBzE

I have no clue who Occasional Viral is, but this one had me laughing so hard! Tears! Try not to laugh. …


How using nano-habits and re-examining your ‘why’ can help

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Image by luvmybry from Pixabay

What goals did you start in January 2020?

Of those, which ones are humming along?

Which ones dropped like a load of bricks — not the new kind of bricks that are nice and light — I’m talking about the old ones that weigh about nine pounds. They used to line the streets with these kinds of bricks.

If you’re like a lot of people, your energy and motivation for your goal might have plummeted. Maybe you’re beating yourself up because you failed — again.

Don’t do that.

Sometimes all it takes to achieve a goal is to tweak it a little. Other times, you realize that it’s not really your goal, and you have to let it go. The first one is usually an easy fix. The second takes a healthy dose of self-reflection and honesty. …


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Image by InspiredImages from Pixabay

When the young man, bloodied and beaten entered the subway car, I reacted without thinking. Some averted their eyes. Others moved further into the car. He couldn’t stand and the car wasn’t even moving, yet. I asked, actually it was more like ordered, a man to give up his seat near the door. The teen collapsed onto it and slumped forward.

A lot happened in a very brief period of time. I exited the train two stops later with a heavy heart. I didn’t know if he’d see the next day; Whoever had beaten him wasn’t finished. He’d made that clear, while I dabbed at his wounds with napkins in a feeble attempt to make things better. …


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Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

It’s after work, you’re exhausted, and all you want to do is go home, kick off your shoes, and relax. Maybe you’ll have a beer or a glass of wine. You don’t care. You’re just ready for the day to be done. Then, you remember that you’re out of dog food, or cat food, or something else that you can’t arrive home without.

Begrudgingly, you haul your worn-out body to the grocery store. The lot is packed. …


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Image by Daryl Bambic from Pixabay

Habits are part of who we are. There’s really no way around that fact. Some of our habits are reflex, others have been automatized because we do them so often, and others are still purposeful.

I like to think of habits as pieces in a puzzle. They all fit together to make the big picture. Sometimes the end result is exactly as we’d expect. Other times, one of the pieces is broken and isn’t all that useful. It might sort of, kind of, complete the picture, but it’s not quite filling everything in.

Sometimes a piece still has a bit of cardboard along its edge. These pieces don’t quite fit the way they should. We have to work to push them into place. Even then, the piece might stick out a bit. …


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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Do you believe prodigies have an innate inclination toward excellence? That is, are they, more than others, born with the capacity for excellence? Or, is excellence something every person can develop and achieve?

How you answer these questions will give you insights into why you are or are not achieving your big, audacious goals, and maybe even some of your smaller ones.

Achieving excellence is, in part, about your mindset. Here’s more about that if you’re curious.

Current research supports the idea that excellence, like many other traits, can be learned. …


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Photo by Yi Liu on Unsplash

Juggling is simple, yet complex. There are a few tricks to doing it, but the best advice I ever received, and that I’m going to share with you is this:

Accept that you’re going to drop the balls and that it’s okay to do that.

If you can get your head around that seemingly simple idea, then learning to juggle becomes easy — at least in the beginning. If your plan is to move up to juggling more than three balls, I can’t help you.

But that’s not really what this is all about.

This is about the art of learning to juggle and how it helps us cope with failure. …


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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Whether you want to call these people your inner circle, mentors, or advisors having a handful of people with whom you can trust your most ambitious goals, is more times than not, critical to your success.

Their purpose isn’t just to provide a sounding board or cheer you on, but also to help you see where you can improve. In some cases, they also help you figure out how to get from point A to point B with as little friction as possible. It’s their wisdom from years of experience “in the trenches” of life that become your greatest resource.

Family members and close friends can be useful members of your board, but sometimes they also can be too harsh or too soft. A healthy board needs a good mix of personalities who can appropriately support, challenge, and inspire us. …

About

Kori D. Miller

I’m a habit change aficionado, facilitator, and coach who loves helping others achieve their goals one bite-size step at a time. kori@ardentpath.com

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