We’ve all been told that “we all have our own Crosses to bare”- and in a way, that’s true; but a Cross is easy: just put the damned thing down. However, in today’s society, our individual “crosses” may not have such simple solutions- in fact, some of them may just be the solution…
I deal with depression on a daily basis.
It’s what puts me to sleep at night, what keeps me up during the day- what drives my thoughts and influences my decisions. It hobbles my movement, but pushes my travel plans forward; it tells me there’s no point to who I am or what i do, yet it screams at me to make as many friends as possible- to do as much as possible.
It creeps through the bedroom door when I’m not happy with who I am, or how I’m occupying my time: the little Devil in your ear, whispering such bitter nothings…
“Life is fleeting — you’ve done nothing with yours.”
“What are you still doing here? Run. As far and as fast as you can.”
It’s not logical- in fact, it defies logic, like a phobia or the placebo effect; regardless of the facts, it will always linger, just out of reach of the sound mind or sane reasoning. And still, it goes beyond mere logic:
Yes, I’m admitting to being insane.
Ironically, it’ll probably be the sanest thing I’ll ever do.
At the end of the day, it is- and always will be- an undeniable part of who I am and the characteristics that form the Great Pie Chart of my personality- even if it is a devil. The desire to rid myself of it has made me into the man I am today.
Even through madness, the Human Spirit finds purpose.
And that, Dear Reader, is the point; Life is about knowing who you are, entirely: utilizing the strengths and mastering the weaknesses. The words you’re reading now would not have come into exsistance if it wasn’t for the inspiration of my depression- my melancholy. Somehow, it is what motivates me.
Paradoxical behavior at it’s finest.
But, me thinks the Writer has ranted enough.
If you’re cut from the same Crazy Cloth as I- periods of depression, unhappiness, the desire to run; plagued by the creeping sensation that rock bottom is meant to be your summer home- I can tell you one thing, and one thing only:
Every time you begin to feel the cold embrace of those all-too-familiar, dark tendrils of despair start to burrow their way back into the forefront of your waking mind, do as I do when the devil on my shoulder comes a’knockin’: get up and make a change. Get a new job, run away on that trip to Thailand, talk to that stranger on the bus; Maybe- just maybe- that is it’s true purpose: to dare you to defy it.
It won’t be easy- it never is- but is anything worth doing, ever?
Sometimes our darkest moments can be our guiding light.
It’s time to hit that switch.