Thank you to the male manager who accompanied me to the ladies room and changed my life.

Kristin Austin
Jul 30, 2017 · 4 min read

Yes, you read that correctly. But it’s not what you think.

I was still a teenager and it was the 80’s — so well before the real advent of HR departments and ferocious legal claims. I was pretty new to the world of work and had made the, what turned out to be very short-lived, career choice to work in finance.

Having been there for a week or so, my manager, a nice enough guy in his 40's, can’t recall his name, kept staring at me. It had started in the morning and continued through lunch. At about 2pm, he marched up to me, obviously unable to continue staring any longer.

He asked me to stand up. Put his hands on my shoulders behind me, asked me to come with him and walked me from the room.

Okay, this was a bit weird. People were looking.

Weirder still when he walked me into the ladies toilets. Still with his hands on my shoulders. Starting to get creepy — but I really wanted this job.

Standing behind me he moved me in front of the mirror. Uh-oh.

But to my amazement, he asked me to look at myself in the mirror. I did.

He asked me to describe what I was wearing.

A black knee length leather pencil skirt, an oversize bold lime green knit with geometric shapes and a black sash. The pieces de resistance (yes two of them) of this amazing outfit? The huuuuuge shoulder pads and big hair worn out and waist-length long. Yep, I had it all going on. There were probably some huge earrings and interesting pink and blue eyeshadow in there to boot. You can just see it, can’t you!!

Did I mention I was working in FINANCE?

I said I wanted to “stand out”. He said I certainly did that, but did I want to stand out for my wardrobe choices or because I was the best at what I did? Huh, what? Ohhhhhh!

He asked me to describe what I saw everyone else wearing. NAVY. BLUE. SUITS.

He explained that whilst ever I wore “that”, people would have trouble seeing past it to the amazing work I could do. I was getting lost in all the shouting my clothes were doing.

With that he left me to think about that. Alone. In the bathroom.

One amazing navy blue suit later, I returned to work on Monday morning, hair up, suit on, I felt different. I felt more ‘together’. My manager looked up, nodded and asked me how my weekend was and left it at that.

And I’ve mostly done suits ever since. Although since starting my own business 7 years ago, I’ve done more colour and often swapped a suit for dresses and jackets. But always, always, always erring on the side of formality. You can always take a jacket off, but you can never go more formal once you’ve made the choice for informality.

So do these rules still apply? Isn’t everyone more relaxed these days?

Yes, yes those rules still apply. And no, whilst you might get away with jeans and a tee in tech-land, many workplaces still have a ‘dress code’ — often unspoken.

Are you sure?

An amazing student of mine, a super bright spark, was having an issue getting her first corporate marketing job. She couldn’t figure out what was going wrong. So I invited her to join me at a cafe in what she’d wear to an interview.

Ohhhhhhh. That’s what it is.

Although no creepy bathrooms were involved, I suggested gently that although her clothing style was fun, it was more appropriate out of hours, than in a workplace. Oh and she might want to tone down the “god didn’t make that colour” hair and take out her nose ring.

But…but…I want to stand out…be memorable.

We all do. But for the right things, not ones that don’t truly matter and can negatively affect us.

Should it matter how we dress? No. But it so does. Is that unfair? Probably. But if you want to move forward in life, sometimes there are things you just need to get over.

Sadly, had she been working for me, with Australian workplace law being what it is, maybe I wouldn’t have said anything (and certainly never in a bathroom — still creepy).

The outcome?

She decided to test my theory. She toned her hair and outfit down and ditched the nose ring. In fact, she bought a suit. And…

She had a job within 3 weeks. Yep, one that has since promoted her because, I’ve no doubt, she’s awesome at what she does. And people can see past the clothes to her real talent.

So thank you my old manager. You did me such a huge favour by being honest with me.

We all owe it to the people we come across to tell them the truth. Yes, it’s easier to lie. It’s more polite. Less risky.

But what if you could change someone’s life for the better?

My manager changed mine. And that same advice helped my student. And it might even help you.

I’d love it if you hit the little heart below so more people might read this and be encouraged to try something they might not have thought of when applying for their next job.

With thanks, love and hugs. Would love you to connect with me on Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Kristin Austin

Written by

Small business owner; passionate advocate for preventing poverty & abuse by building a business; educator; mentor; thriving survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

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