To A President In Trouble, From Mom

Donald, sweetheart. Can we talk for just a moment, mother to son? It’s Mother’s Day weekend. I don’t ask for much, but can you indulge me by putting your phone down for just a minute and hear me out. Thanks. Love you.

Honey, let me start by saying that I am beyond proud of all you have accomplished in life. My word, I couldn’t ask for a son that has done more than you have. You’ve made it to the top. President of the greatest nation on Earth. A truly remarkable achievement. And you appear to be unstoppable. But Donald, my darling boy, I’m worried about you. I’m seeing behavior from you that I know you didn’t learn at home. And as a mother, it’s my job to let my son know when he’s in trouble. I thought maybe a refresher on some life lessons I taught you might just help you out during this ‘rough’ patch.

Be kind to others and play nice.
Remember to treat others how you wish to be treated in return, son. Name calling and bullying had no place in our house growing up, and it certainly should have no place in your House now. It breaks this mother’s heart to see you treat others with such disdain. You have so much charisma and you are larger than life. Nobody can deny that. You shouldn’t need to berate others to make yourself look big. Let your vision for a better country be your guide and treat the people who are working with you well. You will get much more done if you can stop with the threats and ill treatment of people. Kindness moves the needle much farther than coldness.

Limit your screen time.
You certainly weren’t allowed to sit in front of the television all day as a youngster. You had to be outside, playing with others, breathing in fresh air and burning energy and enjoying life. They don’t call it the boob tube for nothing, my boy. Too much time spent mindlessly absorbing the opinions of others instead of forming and executing your own is not going to do you a service when it comes time to make an important decision. You need to have actual conversations and interact with people instead of sequestering yourself in a room with an electronic guide. Plus, it’s not good for your eyes.

Clean up after yourself.
Did we ever let you go a day without making your bed or putting your dirty clothes in the hamper? No. You made a mess, you were in charge of cleaning it up. Dear son, you need to tidy up this mess you are making in Washington. It’s like a tornado tore through there. You need to take accountability for it and work to sweep up all of the debris. I know, I know, it’s true that some of your friends helped you make this mess, it’s not solely on you. It’s okay to ask for help. But you are in charge now, and you need to lead the cleanup effort.

Be a good sport.
It is one thing to be proud of a win. I’ve always cheered you on and felt joy whenever you won something. But I also encouraged you to be magnanimous in victory and pragmatic in defeat. Darling boy, the nation and the world know that you won the election. This constant rubbing it in really makes you appear to be a poor sport and frankly, nobody likes a poor sport. You’ve also been handed a few defeats since January and instead of handling these losses with grace, you’ve been petulant. A child should not throw tantrums when he loses a game. Nor should a grown man.
Actions have consequences.
Remember as a child, when you misbehaved, you were punished for it, and good. Time spent in the naughty corner, or rubbing that sore backside after a whooping was earned by poor choices you made. I see some poor choices being made by you lately, and I’m concerned that the consequences you face are going to be even more stinging and lasting than a wooden spoon. No mother wants to see her son incarcerated. But the actions you are making son, well, they are not as benign as sneaking an extra piece of the most delicious chocolate cake from the kitchen, they are severely testing the law. Before you make any more rash decisions, Donald, please, PLEASE pause to think about what may happen to you if you choose to move forward.

I say these things to you my son, because I love you and I know I taught you better than this. For Mother’s Day this year, the only gift I am asking of you is to remember these life lessons and take them to heart. For the good of you, and the good of the free world.

And keep off of Twitter.

Thanks for the talk,

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