How to lose an argument

Have you ever been confronted by someone who is taking an irrational position on something that really affects you? At its extreme this can be religious/political radicalisation. At the other end of the spectrum is someone who has a phobia that means they go to extremes to avoid whatever they are scared of. And lots of thing in between.

There is no logic to what they believe. And yet our instinctive reaction is to try to use logic to persuade them they are wrong. And trust me it doesn’t work. When someone really believes something they believe it ‘with all their heart’ or it is a ‘heartfelt fear’ And that is why logic won’t work. Because the thoughts that come from the heart are much stronger than the ones that come from the mind. And if its a phobia, the fear will be felt through the whole body.

So an approach that only talks to the brain is doomed to fail.

So how can you win? Trying to convince someone simply for intellectual reasons won’t work. You don’t have the emotional investment in the issue that they do.And if you don’t have the emotional investment they do, why are you trying to change their mind? It isn’t going to make any difference to you….and they will know that

If you DO have an emotional investment ….because their belief is stopping you from doing something you really want to do, then a much better approach is to express YOUR emotions to them…..how the fact that something isn’t going to happen makes YOU feel. Express YOUR heartfelt emotions….calmly and carefully. But be genuine. You really do need to ‘speak from the heart’

Yes it can be tough and emotional, and there is no guarantee. But if you really feel you must try something to alter their thinking it’s better to use something that MIGHT work as opposed to something that is doomed to fail.

Logic is a great way to lose an argument

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