i think i’m a Sociopath

Im a people pleaser, but i hate people.

And i say this with confidence, if i had the choice to only talk to 5 people, 2 of them I’ve never met physically lmao.

i don’t need to see people to feel a connection, unless its a female, because, yknow 👀👀
But seriously. I can’t even talk to customers at my job, and that’s the position I wanted in the first place!!

I become so, enthralled within the trenches and ruts that I’m used to that, any step outside the norm, my comfort zone, is terrifying.

Not like, freeze up, can’t move, can’t breathe terrifying. I mean “why is my heart beating so fast” why am I sweating?

That type of stuff. The worst is with girls I find attractive.

All my life I’ve had a very hard time, expressing myself.

In the sense that, even though I’m a writer and can speak to anyone easily, If someone asks me “what, can you repeat that?”

It tilts the fuck out of me and I lose my shit trying to explain it and then they’re like “what, sorry?!? You say like 10 things at once”

Yea well, sorry you can’t keep up!

For that reason, I have very few close friends. I have lots of, outer friends, but my inner circle is small, considering how many people I know.

That may sound like I’m sucking my own dick, but I’m not.

I have the type of personality that either draws you toward me or makes you want to kill me. There is no gray, no middle ground, no PUSSYFOOTING ROUND HERE MY G!!
And I just hope that I keep adding people to my circle of friends because I love all my friends to death.

I get very attached to people who get me, very easily.

Like I said earlier, it’s usually hard for the average person to get what I’m saying, especially when I’m excited. So when I meet these people who get me no matter what, I hold onto them no matter what. Even if my relationship with them is toxic.

i think this whole, Jaden Smith, Cole Sprouse, archetype type of person, young person to be exact, is becoming more common because of the age we live in. We (Gen X) don’t have to think about war, or famine or dissaease or anything really. Our parents worked hard so that we can live life in ease. Except i don’t think they expected it to be THIS easy.

We live in a time where i can open up my PHONE, that is basically stronger than most laptops 7 years ago by the way, order a RESTAURANT, a place where 7 years ago, you would have to go in and sit down.

To bring one of their dishes to my god damn door.

Like what type of age do we fucking live in??? We have everything literally at our fingertips and we LITERALLY take it for granted. Why do you think a new iPhone comes out every year and a half? We want more so we make more,

we buy more,

we GET more.