Its like 1:41 am

i’m up because i napped from like 7 to 9:30, but my mom woke me up to yell at me about cleaning the toilet…?

like come on cuh..

Uhhh updates in my life?

Going to go on a hike wit some work friends, that’s gunna be cool, i’m sad tho because like the hottest gril from work is coming and im gunna have to control myself lmao.

Vince Staples dropped a new album and i havent listented to it yet. Ima probs wait for Vincethanoy Fantano’s review tbh. Not that i can’t formulate my own opinon, its just that im lazy and i hate myself so i cant do anything for myself.

Bro i fucking hate myself lol.

Stormzy’s Lay Me Bare is the anthem rn also.

Fun Fact about Stormzy: He literally grew up down the road from where i moved from in London. That always blows my mind, that i lived close to a international grimestar/rapper.

And makes me think about what could’ve been..

Literally nothing makes me happy anymore.

Not matches on tinder, for example, i used to get maybe 1 or 2 matches a week. Now i get 3 or 4 a day, and these girls are actually not fat girls with 0 self esteem and a fetish for black guys, yet im still like

Come on bruh..

Not playing video games (its only momentary like in my clips on my twitter)

My mood has drastically improved during the time i took to write this, because I’ve been writing this particular piece for like 2 hours. Music really does life my mood man. i got a couple bangers on here.

Basically the things thatve changed in my life are not much: i still struggle with my depression, i cant motivate myself to go to the gym anymore, i still suck at league.

But i guess some postiive changes are that, i dont really care about girls anymore, like to the point that they dont control my happiness i guess. Like before if i wasnt smashing id be


But now i’m chillin most of the time. i think i attribute this attitude towards my work buddy, and budding new best friend, Chris.

This guy and i just get along. We like to call ourselves the Rush Hour of Nando’s. (Y’know because he’s Asian and i’m Black) but yea, i really enjoy being around him at work, makes our shitty job less shitty and makes it full of laughs. If i didn't have him at work id hate this job like i hate all my others.

I also find that in life, especially not recently, i literally just live until a certain event happens, then after that i scramble to find the next one, is that what life is supposed to be like, or am i weird?

(we already know i’m weird that was a rhetorical question)

I still hate myself because i like the type of girl that will never like me, aesthetically, until she speaks to me LMAO smh.

Like legit, i want to date like a girl who’s like super into fitness n shit, being thicc af and jacked as shit.

But i literally have been in my room for liek 14 hours. i left to buy some shitty energy drink and i ate a microwaveable meal and an entire pack of Two-Bite Brownies. 
Like you see what i mean? It’s like my interests and my personality traits just fucking hate each other so they contradict each other all the damn time.

Ok that’s not actually who i want to date, i know exactly who i want to date and she JUST got into working out. Luckily being black ,i can work out for 3 weeks and instantly look like i’ve been doing it for ages. God bless these genes AMIRITE?

When my mind fights it’s self i think of this quote from Avatar the Last Airbender..alot. 
Well first off its my favourite series of all time,


Even more than Rick and Morty and BoJack Horseman.

The quote comes from an episode when Zuko sets Appa free from the Dai Li, a secret organization hat secretly runs Ba Sing Se from the shadows. Anyways, Zuko sets Appa free instead of like…killing him or shit, i forget whats supposed to be assumed from that, either he was going to take him and hold him hostage or kill him to hurt Aang. Either way, he doesn’t, and when he gets back home to his shitty little apartment with his uncle Iroh, he falls into a coma.

He has no idea why but Iroh does, and he explains:

Iroh’s description of Zuko’s illness

This little interaction has always resonated with me, because it’s like what i was talking about earlier, his inner self, just like my interests and traits contradict themselves.