Searching for beauty
The chill was slight but still present as David pulled up to Starbucks. He raced inside and grabbed his coffee before logging on. He knew that Sehana would log on soon to chat.
“Hi,” she said when she logged on. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, I guess,” he answered. “Depends on how you are.”
“LOL I’m fine. What’s wrong?”
She could always trace his moods just by his response, like a sixth sense she had. He paused before answering.
“I’m OK. Just was worried you wouldn’t be here. Sometimes this is like a dream, you know? What if you disappear again? What if you’re not here tomorrow? I want to be happy. But I’m scared to be.”
“You don’t want to be happy?” she asked. “You don’t like to be happy?”
“Of course I like to be happy. You know you are my happiness.”
Sehana knew this. She also understood his doubt. She wanted to reassure him, but she remained guarded with her words. Things were so unsure. Promises weren’t something she could make.
“We have to see the beauty in life,” she said.
“You are my beauty,” he quickly answered. “You are my beauty of life. You are the one who helps me see the beauty in everything.”
David hesitated in thought before continuing.
“You are the one who helps me see the beauty in me.”
David drank his coffee as they kept talking. He relaxed, knowing she wouldn’t let up until she knew he was smiling.
“Enjoy your coffee and enjoy the day and try to see the beauty of life today,” Sehana said. “And let me know what you see.”
“OK, OK,” David answered. “True beauty is when our hearts beat as one. But yeah, now I can see the beauty in other things.”
“I have to go soon,” she said. “Seriously. Let me know what you see today. Why life is beautiful. Your assignment.”
David knew better than to argue. She had to get out of the cold and she wouldn’t leave the bus stop until he said yes.
“OK,” he said. “I will. I promise.”
“OK. Can’t wait to see what you see. LOL.”
David smiled and said his good bye. He logged off and gulped down the rest of his coffee before heading back out in the cold. He drove around running errands and searched for that beautiful thing, but all he saw was dirty snow and a bleakness that seemed to cover the city.
He returned home to the clutter, much like the clutter of his life. Find the beauty, she said. Where to turn?
David headed out to run to the store that night. As soon as he stepped out he was drawn to the beauty of the full moon. The “Wolf Moon,” the first full moon of the year. He stood and stared at the moon, thinking and remembering when they talked of that being the one thing they shared every night. He wondered if she spotted the full moon that night.
David remembered a Native American legend about the moon, one that claimed the moon had a spirit lover. A jealous trickster had separated them by telling the lover that the moon wanted flowers. The trickster left out that the lover, Kuekuatsheu, wouldn’t be able to return to the spirit world once he entered the normal world.
Kuekuatsheu had turned into a wolf to fetch the flowers. He banged on the door to get back in but it wouldn’t open. All Kuekuatsheu could do was stare up at that moon and howl the moon’s name, hoping the moon still knew he cared.
There wasn’t a wolf in the middle of the city to howl, but David could feel his own howl forming. He thought back to the conversation, to his uncertainty before she logged on. He remembered what she said, “We have to see the beauty in life.”
“We,” he thought. “She said ‘we’.”
David howled at the moon that night, seeing the beauty in the cloudless sky and a moon shining bright. He remembered a saying, “throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack.”
David saw the beauty. He held his chin up high and smiled, chuckling at his blindness.
“I spent the whole day searching for beauty,” he thought. “Here I had it all along. All the beauty in the world in one word.”