Love Begins Where You End
umair haque

If I look at someone I love, and they are about to speak, but I roll my eyes and say, “I know what they will say. They’ve said it before a thousand times”, that is the moment that I stop loving them, is it not?

No, I don’t think it is. Love isn’t just about “in the moment” — that’s still selfish because it makes you feel good. In the moment is “puppy love” that teenagers get. In the moment is a basic emotional reaction that takes place before your brain has the chance to rationalize a situation. Sometimes, this is a wonderful, beautiful thing, but it doesn’t equate to love.

There are also numerous types of love, and you cannot blur the line. I love my parents, my siblings, my wife, my friends, and people I have never met (and pizza), but all in very different ways. Of course, knowing more about someone can and will lead to bias, judgement, and possibly resentment — but we are still called to love one another. In that case, yes, it is important to void our thoughts lean only on the fact that they we are all human and are all deserving of love.

However, romantic love is about knowing everything about someone and wanting to know more, wanting to sacrifice yourself for them, wanting to spend all of your own energy just to make them happy or to make their life better. If you have grown “bored and disinterested” then you do not understand what love is. It means you are expecting someone else to be meeting your needs, keeping you entertained — that is not love, and never was.

Most of the time, I already know what my wife is going to say. I don’t often roll my eyes, but even if I did, I love her — not in spite of what she will say, but because of what she will say.

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