Minimalism
Practical advice on excess belongings and what to do about it
I have been striving toward minimalism long before I knew what it was, In my heart of hearts I’ve always felt that less is more. being a practical person I’ve always tried to be prepared to have with me at all times whatever I needed that could snugly fit inside a backpack. Most of my friends knew me as the guy who would have a knife, lighter, canteen, flashlight, change of clothing, and a snack or two.
Thinking back to when I was about sixteen years old I moved into a storage space about the size of a walk in closet. (imagine Harry Potter’s bedroom under the stairs.) A single mattress, one table lamp, a small bureau with three drawers containing a few pairs of clothing a book and a journal. Even though I only lived there for a few short months. I was happy. Truly happy. All I needed was right there. If I felt the desire for anything else I could go borrow, explore, buy, or experience whatever was tugging at my heart in that moment. The world was my oyster and I didn’t have the need to keep anything extra, it was minimalism at its purest form. It wasn’t until years later that I discovered this was a known lifestyle and there are methods, processes, and techniques to improving on a minimalist life. Once I learned this, however, I’ve been improving on and embracing this process ever since. Nothing makes me feel better than to own quality things I love and need while being completely free of unnecessary possessions.
Recently I listened to the minimalist’s podcast and one of their guests spoke of her children’s overwhelming and ever growing collection of stuff which she referred to as “third party clutter” this got me thinking so I decided to share my thoughts and advice. Being a father of four and long time stay at home parent I have a fair bit of experience with third party clutter.
A Childhood of Excess
It’s strange that I can remember times of not having what we needed such as new shoes or a decent meal and yet there was also a mix of overstocking, collecting, purchasing and storing habits that surrounded me while I was young. I have family members that dumpster dive, collect and thrift excessively. Usually “just in case anyone needs something” when space is low they rely on storage units to hold such items. On the more extreme side, our close neighbor was a hoarder. The path from front door to kitchen table was barely wide enough even for a young boy to squeeze through. Each barrier was a high stack of newspapers, dusty old boxes full of brand new nick knacks or cases of mac and cheese. Over the years I’ve met families from slightly excessive habits to massive hoarding problems and many things in between.
Honestly, I’m not sure whether my independent nature, constant relocation, poverty, lack of material interest, or some other reason started my reducing habits but as years went on I found myself keeping less and less. That was until I became married with children. life became less about me, myself and I. A few years passed and I found discomfort in every place I lived. Slowly the discomfort became visible and I could see what was invading my life. Excess!
“Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.”
Peter McWilliams
Not only my excess but, third party clutter as well. No matter the size of our efficiency, apartment, trailer, or house the clutter was overwhelming. Messes that never end are a huge part of parenting and there is NO way to eliminate them. However, there are definitely ways to minimize messes, reduce clutter and ultimately ease the discomfort. This article is intended to help you do just that!
Minimalism Starts with you!
Make a personal commitment to change even if the others in your house never do. You know the old saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink” This true for the most part. If you are demanding someone to change you’ll likely to meet resistance. However walk down to the watering hole every day, have your horse watch as you taste the spring. Eventually, this creates curiosity, desire or trust inside the horse. Taking this approach with minimalism is paramount.
Scale the Wall
If you are to make genuine change and enter the world of minimalism. You will need to turn down any emotional attachment, this is likely the highest wall blocking your path to a new life. If you are too emotionally invested in your material belongings you will not be able to part with them and make an impact in your own life, If you are too emotionally invested in the attachment issues of those that live with you, then you will talk yourself out of progress and convince yourself that somehow you are helping these people by not hurting their feelings. This is a lie! you are not helping anyone when you avoid hurting their feelings you are only enabling the toxic behaviors. Without discomfort, and hard work there will be no progress or growth.
“We’re so preoccupied with protecting children from disappointment and discomfort that we’re inadvertently excusing them from growing up.”
LZ Granderson
Put In The Work
Once you’ve committed it’s time to make changes. There are many methods to decluttering and reducing but in my opinion, you CAN’T start small! You have to go big or go home on this one. Don’t methodically sort through every paper in the house. Today you make an impact! Ryan Nicodemus — founder of the minimalist did something crazy. Once his mind was made up he literally boxed up all his belongings room by room and labeled them. The days following this crazy idea he opened boxes to find only what he needed to use on a regular basis and left the rest inside these marked boxes. Now it’s not so much about how he did this but that he went big and you need to also. You might be thinking I can’t do that to my kids, my spouse, my roommate. WRONG! But we’re not there yet. This exercise is only for you.
Here are some things to help you in this lifestyle change.
Make a list of things that are important to you. Skiing, hiking, crafting, baseball cards etc… This list will serve as a reminder when things are tough or you’re just not sure what to do with an item.
Toss If: broken, old and replaceable, unnecessary, wrong fit, or unwanted.
Sell If: worth at least $20, will make attempts to sell within the week, or have a buyer.
Keep If: brings you joy, fuels a passion, is practical, manageable, or necessary for daily life.
Donate If: it fits into none of the other categories.
Everything in the Keep category needs to have a home that is practical, manageable, and or enjoyable. For instance, if you use a laptop for all your writing but can’t bring yourself to part with your first typewriter because it is a practical backup and brings you joyful memories then find a nice way to display it where the kids can’t destroy it, therefore, it is also manageable.
Locate donation centers, boxes, or services near you and make a note of them on your phone.
Make a list of people that could help in a pinch, make sure they are rational, blunt, honest and motivated personality types.
Buy everything on this list
Large trash bags
Permanent markers
Masking tape or labels
Cardboard boxes
Packing tape
Clear out a large space and with the supplies listed get your ass in gear!
Reference your lists and this chart at all times.
Okay, so you have spent the last couple weeks rearranging your belongings and removing excess from your life. Now you’re addicted to this healthier lifestyle. you feel alive. You feel lite and empowered. But wait there’s more! Yes so much more. The others in your home have been watching you take on this transformation and without trying even once you have primed them for a change. Get ready….Get set….wait? Yes, wait! But not too long. Timing is key!
Kids
Okay, the kids are finally at grandmas for a sleepover. The timing is perfect! Toys, clothes, Nick Knacks, trinkets, video games, stuffed animals the mess seems insurmountable but you know it can be completed. Your confidence is high and you are primed for change. Put every single thing that is not a necessity away in boxes, bags, and bins. Leave out only a few of their absolute favorite things. Molly’s favorite stuffed unicorn for instance. Put the rest of these boxes away from where the kids can’t get them. Even if that means enlisting a friends garage or buying storage for a month. Now kick back pour a glass of wine and enjoy your evening. Tomorrow is a new day. Brace yourself for crying, arguing and temper tantrums just in case your kids take that route but you may be pleasantly surprised when presenting all the space you created. Your kids may thank you for easing the discomfort they had but didn’t even know it. If your kids take the tantrum route keep your composure and do not give in! Once the dust has settled bring the belongings back in a box at a time and get your kids involved in the reducing process. more often than not they will be eager to help. If they completely resist the idea they are either not ready or are simply rebelling. Give them another week or so and try again. If you find they are still resisting feel free to start the purging process of their belongings without them.
Spouse
Additionally having a spouse’s belongings share space with your own can be difficult especially if the things they possess are seemingly pointless. Since you have even less control over what your spouse keeps than what your kids keep the best way to approach this, is to make a space just for her belongings. Everything that already has a functional home leave alone everything else goes into the new space labeled or organized to the best of your ability. Anytime something creeps back out of this area into your newly created space simply put it back in her area. The conversation doesn’t end. Keep it going! From time to time ask if she’s ready to declutter and make changes all while not allowing her clutter to invade your shared spaces anymore.
Don’t let the inability of others affect your goals. Have clear goals, boundaries, and expectations.If you want to ease the impact of this process do it through communication not through giving into others or allowing the continuation of toxic habits.
If you find that the others in the household are eager to get involved You can give up some control but DO NOT allow them to take complete control or you will end up in the same position. Remember minimalism starts with you! Delegate or sub out any jobs that feel tedious, to someone capable and unattached to the items.
I promise taking this approach to kick start your lifestyle change will leave you feeling confident and rewarded before your ever reach the finish line, in fact, there really isn’t a finish line things will come in and out of your life on a semi regular basis. Here are some bonus tips on dealing with the external forces of this change.
Bonus Tips
Mail: sort it into these three categories before entering your home. Now, later, and recycle then deal with them appropriately upon entering.
Gifts: I highly recommend having a conversation with anyone that typically gives gifts to you or the people in your household. Explain to them what you will and won’t accept. Some will understand, others will need more persuading, and some will flat out refuse to accept your change. If you receive a gift from anyone that doesn’t fit your lifestyle either send back, donate or sell it. DO NOT FEEL BAD about this. You have already done your part.
If at first these changes don’t stick purge regularly and repeat until they do. Remember minimalism is a lifestyle change, not some one time fix.
Let me be the first to congratulate you on this life altering transformation! Now get your ass in gear!
