Some outdated points of view we likely have (Or used to have) that hold us back
- “It takes two.” This is a point of view that well meaning individuals vocalize when they hear of interpersonal struggles of a couple. Unfortunately, they cut the sentence short. It should read, “It takes two, but it doesn’t mean its fifty-fifty.” With mental health or substance use issues or bad habits in general; an individual an be responsible for more than fifty percent of the problems recurring in the relationship. However, as long as the reflex thought is, “Well, it takes two”, personal responsibility is not acknowledged.
- Some perceive confusion as a bad thing.
Confusion is a good thing. At it’s most basic understanding is caused by having more than one choice. One choice is not really a choice, but being confused means there is opportunity! Being confused means there are choices, options, selections, and opportunities!
- Some perceive ‘confrontation’ as an opportunity for aggression.
Confrontation for some individuals has connotations of aggression or attacking. When these ‘individuals’ confront someone you can bet the claws are out, and the fangs are flashing! When individuals think of clarifying, correcting, or conversing with someone there is little room for aggression. However, for those whom see the idea of discussing a topic, or provide feedback to an individual as a negative thing; they are going in aggressive or anxious. It’s difficult to communicate anyway, what’s the point of seeing it as a negative task?
- Some see individuals, groups, relationships and so forth as ‘Either/or’ instead of ‘As well as”.
Individuals are generally complex, dynamics entities. There tends to be opinions, values, beliefs, and behaviors we agree, or would condone. There also tend to be opinions, values, beliefs, and behaviors disagree or would condemn. This is not an issue, for many individuals, until the relationship goes beyond the superficial. Sometimes individuals, struggle with liking or being interested in someone, and disagreeing with them. There is a tendency individuals have to compartmentalize, or categorize individuals into boxes. Many struggle with liking someone, but also disagreeing with them on opinions, values, beliefs, behaviors, and so forth. The correction is simple with the mantra, “I can like someone, but also disagree with them.” That is close to unconditional love versus, “If they love me they agree with me.”
- Some think that people ‘always’ get what they deserve, and deserve what they get.
This is a complicated belief. It has roots in culture, religion, and other institutions that shape (program) our beliefs. Sometimes individual’s efforts are seemingly rewarded or punished, but at other times they are not. This sets up cognitive dissonance, and creates strife in individual and societal situations. People do not always get what they deserve or deserve what they get!
- Life is unfair.
If I got a dollar for every time I have heard this statement, I would be comfortable retired cruising around the country in a high end motorhome! Life is simply life. It is a physical experience on the physical planet. It is neither fair nor unfair, it is simply life. However, since life is neither fir nor unfair; what is responsible for the unfairness? The short answer is NOT corporations, laws, or any other non human entity. The answer is PEOPLE! People who make laws, operate corporations, and any other positions are responsible for treating individuals fairly or unfairly! WE tend to give responsibility to non-human entities such as corporations, governments ,etc. Who operate these positions? PEOPLE, so people are responsible for treating others fairly or unfairly!
7. “(FILL IN BLANK) know best” There is a tendency for individuals to take someone else’s word for it. It being anything from advice, news, or any other information. There is a tendency to give others responsibility for informing us, educating us, and taking care of us. Discernment is not practiced very often by many individuals. Mistrust is not equal to discernment, as discernment is a thorough job of critical thinking.