In every interaction, every couple falls into one of three boxes: Nasty, Neutral, or Nice.

While many of us, including couples therapist, believe that a couple’s ability to be nice during conflict conversations determines the happiness of the relationship, Dr. Gottman’s research on thousands of couples highlights that happy couples often have far more neutral conversations that are emotionally dull.1

The Nice Box

Avery: I’m sorry I overreacted about you not cooking dinner earlier. I’ve been really stressed with this new project at work and I should not have taken that out on you.

Blake: Yeah… that wasn’t fun and I know work…


Lovemaking in a monogamous relationship is said to be heart-pounding, breathtaking, and anxiety freeing. If that’s true, then how come a committed relationship is when many of us settle for the same sexual positions?

Far too often, spouses become “too important” for experimenting in the bedroom. This takes the mysterious element of sex between two people and puts our wild erotic nature into a jar that will never be opened again.

Sometimes partners stop putting in the effort to seduce their partner. They assume the ring on the finger means they don’t have to try, that a wedding band means…


Hey Kyle, I read your last few articles about emotionally unavailable partners. It makes a lot of sense that you recommend others to avoid those of us with those flaws. Personally, I don’t want to be this way, but my childhood experiences, failed relationships, and lack of growth in becoming more emotionally available is downright depressing.

If other people start taking your advice to heart, what would happen to the rest of us? Many of us lack the money and emotional depth to become the emotionally open souls professional therapy promises. Can you please offer some relationship advice for us…


There is a powerful cultural script that many people agree with in terms of sex: it is believed to be instant chemistry from the very beginning. As we drink the wine of romance we become drunk in the belief that sex, even in long-term relationships, is easy, tension-free, and uninhibited.

Either you and your partner have it, or you don’t.

It’s kind of ironic that our modern willpower society encourages us to manifest our careers and health through deliberate and relentless work ethic. …


Far too often I work with guys that feel like they get walked on in their dating life. They’re unsure if the person they like reciprocates those feelings back. Most of these guys struggle in their dating lives because they choose not to assert themselves in fear of being rejected, or being deemed unmanly for seeming needy. Sometimes they lack the ability to recognize their emotions in a healthy way.

I can relate. I used to date girls that would make me feel insecure. Instead of telling them directly what made me feel insecure, I acted in manipulative ways to…


Do you have a pattern of being attracted to an emotionally unavailable intimate partner who is emotionally protected and difficult to get close with?

Or do you have a history of pushing away the sort of person who is available, caring, and easy to get close with?

How Do You Sabotage Intimacy?

Whether we are in the process of falling in love, or have been married for 16 years, we all know that it feels amazing to be emotionally connected our partner. …


The idea that partners shouldn’t be needy and should be independent creates a lack of security in the relationship.

Kim and Kevin were on the verge of breaking up. Neither of them wanted to end things, but they were exhausted from fighting and blaming each other.


Love is a dance of connection and disconnection. There are times when you feel compelled by your lover, and other times when you feel the need for alone time.

Some of us need more connection, others need more independence. Sometimes these differences lead to a toxic relationship.

There are only two roads to making a toxic relationship not so toxic. Road One leads to breaking up and finding a more secure partner. Road Two leads to seeing the problems in the relationship as a slingshot for growth.

Even though both of you fall on opposite ends of the spectrum, the…


All couples come to experience the raw buttons of their partner. Happy couples understand each other’s imperfections and enduring vulnerabilities, while unhappy couples use these enduring vulnerabilities as fire power in the heat of a battle. Instead of holding hands, they point fingers.

Pushing Each Other’s Raw Buttons

Steven and Ruth met while traveling through Brazil five years ago. Both are in their late thirties, and both had a difficult childhood.

Steven was abandoned by his father at the age of 6. He felt like a burden because his mom constantly stressed about money and his childhood expenses.

Ruth’s mother divorced her dad and moved…


Pokemon Go has taken the streets with a wind storm attack. College students are walking into sign post, banking executives are shouting in Starbucks as they catch a Pidgey, and grandparents are just as confused as they were 15 years ago. Pokemon Go brilliantly enables you to catch virtual Pokemon in the real world.

As you walk around your local city, you have the opportunity to capture as many Pokemon as you can. …

Kyle Benson

Kyle Benson provides research based tools to build long-lasting relationships. Visit KyleBenson.net to improve your emotional connection today.

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