Growing Up is a Trick and Adulting is a Trap

I remember as a kid how badly I wanted to become an adult. I couldn’t wait to escape the perils of childhood [perils of childhood!?]. I needed permission or instruction for anything I wanted to do, the other kids were mean to me, and I was obsessed with my inadequacy compared to people cooler and more popular than me. I always knew that one day, I would be an adult and this would be behind me. I would live a life of knowledge and decisiveness. I would do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to. I would always know the right answers and make the right decisions.
Fast forward to when I turned 18, by law an adult, by emotional ability, I was a 14 year old. My 20s were a blur and now I am in my 30s and it has hit me like a ton of bricks: I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AN ADULT NOW.
Dear Jesus help me.
Yesterday I was in a discussion with a new coworker. She is younger than me which is always cause for alarm because for the longest time I was the youngest in any professional environment. We played the game of how old do we think each other are. Like usual she was shocked at my age — do people just say that to be nice or do I actually look much younger than I am? This was not a new experience for me, however, I did have a new revelation — at what point will it stop being cute? At what point will I be that woman dressing too young, speaking in slang that she doesn’t understand?
I explained to my coworker that I am plagued by chronic immaturity. It really is a hindrance in the corporate world but I can usually ‘turn it on’ pretty good to be a badass boss when I am with clients, so I am not too worried. But the chronic immaturity can be crippling. I am always running at about 6 years younger than my real age. Embarrassing, pathetic, and true.
I saw Jane Fonda on Oprah once. She explained that your life is in three acts: first act 0–30; second act 30–60; third act 60-(99?). This stuck with me. I am in my second act. I AM IN MY SECOND ACT!!! I am supposed to have it all together, be the master of my world, be, do, and have anything I want. Why do I feel like I missed the boat?
I remember back to my dreams as a kid, how I would finally be whole when I became an adult. How I would have all the answers and know all I needed to know. How I would do whatever I wanted.
What. A. Crock. Of. #&@^.
I’ve spent enough time with people of all ages and enough time with my parents — adult to adult — to realize the harsh truth: NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING. As adults, we are still basically children inside. Of course, most people have a nice veneer of mature professional-ness — so we don’t talk about it.
No one has all the answers, no one has even most of the answers. We can all learn and know a lot of things but when it comes down to it we are just a bunch of kids with more experience and battle wounds. We base our decisions on a clash between our needs and our wants, the delta between right and wrong. We try to listen to our gut but there are so many people’s opinions flying around all we hear is noise. We technically can do what we want but we choose not to because of laws and taxes and because we have RESPONSIBILITIES. We are supposed to have money and and when we do we want more and the want is infinite. We construct social groups like high schoolers and we get sucked into gossip at work. We are never truly happy. We are a mess.
How to Proceed in This Life Knowing We Know Nothing and Understanding Adulting is a Trap:
It’s very simple. All we can do is be our true, honest, authentic selves. All we can do is be open and candid in our conversations and vulnerable with our emotions. All we can do is be our best and give our best to everyone we are involved with. That’s it. The guy next to you might be a real hardass, a well-respected and educated executive, someone who has it all — he feels the exact same way too. We are all in this together. We are all just a bunch of animals! Going through life trying to find enjoyment, soak up the best moments, and avoid pain. This is it though, there are no do-overs. We have to put our big kid pants on and face adult life head on.
Trust yourself, trust your intuition, and keep going.
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Photo credit: Courtany on Pixabay https://pixabay.com/en/boy-toddler-ceo-child-kid-cute-633014/ CC0 via: https://search.creativecommons.org
Originally published at kyrajames.com on September 6, 2018.
