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I don’t see the bridal party thing as a snub at all. I’ve probably been to two dozen or so weddings, and only a handful of those have involved bridesmaids or maids of honor who were the groom’s sister. I’ve always viewed bridal parties as places to include one’s closest friends and family, so honestly, I would find it a bit odd if you were included when you describe your relationship to the bride as not very close.

As for the not making an effort stuff, it’s definitely possible that your brother’s fiancee is not making the effort that she should. However, I see two other possibilities:

  1. Texting may not be a good way to communicate with her. If you’re sending her group texts, she may think that you’re including her to be polite but you really want to hear from your brother or something. Also, some people just aren’t big texters. It might be worth trying email, Facebook, phone calls, etc. to see if another medium gets better results before you assume ill will.
  2. It’s also possible that your brother’s fiancee is cold because she knows (or at least senses) that you disapprove of her relationship with your brother. Even if you don’t hate her, your last sentence indicates that you would rather the wedding not be happening. I couldn’t blame a person for avoiding closeness in those circumstances.

Perhaps it would help to try to forget your disapproval and to continue to try to be friendly. After all, your brother is an adult who is just as much to blame for the wedding as his fiancee, and if he gets hurt in a bad marriage, so will she. Also, if your relationship with the fiancee doesn’t improve, at least you’ll be able to say that you tried your hardest and the fault isn’t on your side.