9 Signs You Are a Rebound
This article is brought to you by the coaching arm of Asia’s largest premier dating company, Lunch Actually Academy.
Congratulations! You have found love with someone, and they seem great in every way.
In the throes of new love, you find yourself constantly wanting to see them. Yet, you cannot help shake off a feeling that something is not quite right.
We all want our new loves to go well. However, to ignore certain signs from your new partner can be dangerous.
Watch out for some of the behaviours listed below. If your partner displays more than half those behaviours, you may want to ask yourself the following question:
“Am I a rebound?”
1. He/she can’t stop talking about his/her ex
If every date you are on seems to remind your partner of their ex and they can’t stop bringing their ex up, you might want to re-evaluate if you want to be in such a relationship.
Then there’s being compared to the ex, whether favourably or unfavourably.
“Wait.” You might say. “Isn’t it a good thing if I am being compared favourably to their ex?” The answer, sadly, is nope. Being compared at all means they are still thinking about someone who should be in their past.
2. He/she seems to be really into you for no real reason
If you have only started seriously dating for a week or two, yet your partner is already saying that you are The One, or that they can see a future with you, or that they can see you two retiring to travel the world together…
Your partner may just have this image of you in their mind that’s similar to how their exes were like. This means that they are projecting all their old feelings for their exes into you. Proceed carefully.
3. He/she keeps trying to change you into a different person
If the changes your partner wants to instill in you are positive changes, it may just mean they have your best interests in heart.
For example, if you are a smoker and your partner is trying to get you to cut down, they could just be really concerned about your health.
Still, if you have a vague idea of how their exes are like, you can pick out if your significant other is trying to make you into Version 2.0 of their ex.
For example, if you have completely no interest in surfing, yet your partner keeps telling you that surfers are hot and that you should pick it up, it would probably be a good time to enquire if the ex liked to surf too.
4. You met him/her while he/she appeared to be going through a really difficult time
Your current partner might not have said it out loud when you met them, but the signs that they are at a low point in their lives are easy to pick up eventually.
Does your partner not introduce you to friends? If they do, do the friends act awkward around you, as though not sure of your purpose in your partner’s life? Does your partner avoid some places or activities with no good reason, or avoid talking about their exes?
It goes without saying that if you are dating someone who has just broken up with an ex a week to a month ago, you are most likely a rebound. They have not given themselves time enough to heal yet, especially if it has been a long relationship.
5. Your relationship seems to be moving fast on the outside, but slowly on the inside
Are you already talking about love, marriage, and babies a couple of weeks into the relationship?
That sounds like a great sign for commitment, but really, do pause and ask if your relationship is all talk and no action.
Do you feel like you have really gotten to know your partner, despite all the grand plans to spend your life together? Do you know how they will react to obstacles, like your first big fight? Will they crumble, or will they fight for the relationship for you?
Only time will be able to tell, regardless of all the grand plans you may make to be together forever. Otherwise, it could be that your partner is forcing all their plans with their ex on you.
6. They want to act like you have been together forever, though forever was actually maybe a month or two ago
Most new couples want to go out and do things together, and enjoy each other’s company in public. They will find the most mundane things exciting, especially with a new partner they are really into.
Your partner is just interested in lounging around in pyjamas, maybe watch Netflix, order in, hang out in silence, and doing all the things long-term couples seem to do naturally.
Once again, if this is happening, your partner could just be bringing over the relationship routine from their last relationship over to yours.
7. Your partner gives you mixed signals
Is your partner into you some days, but then just apathetic the next?
If they are confusing you with their hot-and-cold behaviour, it could mean that they might like you, but their feelings are so clouded by feelings for their ex that it’s obstructing the attraction they feel for you.
If they seem moody, and all sweet and attentive the next moment, they might not even know what they want.
The best thing you can do is to call them out on it, or just walk away from it all completely.
8. He/she frequently becomes irrationally angry at you
Does your partner get angry at you for the littlest things a lot of times?
It could mean your partner is abusive, or has a bad temper they like to direct at you, both of which are clear signs that you should get out of the relationship immediately.
It could also mean that your partner is still pining over his/her ex. Then, they get angry at you because you are not their ex. If the very thought of that makes you angry, as it should, then you should ask your partner bluntly about their feelings.
9. Your partner likes to show you off to their friends, family, and at “certain” places
Introducing you to friends and family means you are wading even deeper into your partner’s life. That should be a good thing. After all, it’s saying that they trust you will stick around long enough.
There is an exception to that rule, of course. Your partner could be aggressively showing that they have already moved on from their ex, especially when you are in the picture.
If you see your partner’s ex quite often whenever you go out, you might want to consider if you are just a “trophy” to show that your partner has “moved on”.
Always remember that you should value yourself much more than to settle for being someone’s rebound, especially when you are looking for a serious relationship.
If your partner is just looking for a distraction from their pain, it may be wise to part ways even though you are attracted to them — and find love with a genuine single, such as those you will find through trusted dating agency like Lunch Actually.
If your partner fulfills at least half of the 9 signs above, it may be time to sit down for a frank and open discussion. Point out their behaviour to them, and see if you would like to both try once more, or just part ways for better relationships.
Trust us, it is much better to part than to be someone else’s option.
We know you are worth much more than that.