What To Do When Someone Breaks Up With You By Text

Been dumped by text? WTF, that hurts. There is something especially cold about being broken up with by the casual medium of the text message. You may well find yourself thinking: ‘That coward. Did they not even have the courage to talk to me face to face?’. The impulse to reply right away with a furious SMS tirade might overwhelm you. Hold those fingers. Stop, take a breath and read this guide.

Feel your feelings

If someone has broken up with you by text message, you are allowed to feel sad, angry and outraged. If anyone has broken up with you at all, you are totally permitted to give full flow to your feelings. Cry, rage, head to the gym and pummel that punchbag for all it is worth. Just make sure not to reach for your phone — yet.

Resist the urge to respond right away

If you respond in the heat of the moment, you are likely to regret it. If your emotions are high, you might feel tempted to fire off a rant about how little you care, how great you are, what a great relationship you two could have had, what an awful mistake your ex is making, or something to this effect. Dumpees have been known to list their degrees and qualifications right down to their primary school egg and spoon race certificates in a defensive move to demonstrate what a great catch they are, or to beg and plead for a second chance. These are two sides of the same coin: they will make you look needy.

Call a friend

Call up a trusted friend or family member and talk things through. We can always count on a good friend to be on our side and to tell us how little our ex deserved to be with us in the first place. Letting all of your emotions out to your friend is so much better than airing your emotions to the person who has just dumped you.

Wait and see

If your ex does not get a response right away, they will likely wonder what’s up. If they text you a second or third time, you can be sure that you have rattled them. Perhaps they were hankering for an emotional response from you. Do not feed this desire of theirs. Instead, wait 24 hours then check in with yourself. Do you still feel highly emotional and shaking with rage? Wait another 24 hours. Feeling calmer now? Good. Now is time to compose your reply.

Compose and edit your response

You may not want to respond. But, if you still do, here are some tips. Firstly, keep it short. Remember, this person did not have the courtesy to dump you face to face, so why should they take up any more of your time? Secondly, keep things unemotional and simply accept that the breakup has happened. If someone broke up with you by text, they do not deserve any insight into your inner life — save that for someone who can appreciate it. Thirdly, address the fact that they dumped you in such a rude way. Say something like, ‘Had you had the courage to break up with me to my face, things might have been different’. If they reply to this, stay calm and do not respond right away. Run through the guide above and apply it again. If they have asked to remain friends, think things through — do you really want a friend who treats people like this?

Get on with your life

You are fantastic. Go to the cinema, see your friends, read a book you love or go out dancing…who knows who you’ll meet. Whatever you most enjoy, now is the time to do it. Move on!

Originally published at hackerspace.kinja.com on February 27, 2017.