Fallout

Luke Hammond
Sep 2, 2018 · 2 min read

Stress.

It is something you only realise when it hits you. Its almost like being hit by a car (not that I’d know); you can imagine what it feels like, and sort of pretend to experience it, but you don’t know until its actually hit you and shatters every individual bone in your fragile body.

It feels like it’s more than an end of an era, it feels like I was Atlas and I’ve had the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.

Exams are now over, and I can unlock the door to the cage I’ve been sitting in; the prison that I’d built in my mind to hold all my shit so I could at least attempt to focus on what I had to do. But now that sentence has passed, and despite the shackles being stripped from my ankles, the scars they left behind are still dragging me back, reminding me of the desperation.

I know its only moments after my release, but I thought it would feel better than this? Its like I don’t know what to do with myself, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

We’re stuck in the fallout of an apocalypse, a wasteland of new possibilities, but something in the air is making it hard to breathe, making it hard to move. There is still this strange pressure, a dull ache in the back of my head reminding me that it’s not over. For now, all we can do is press on.

Summer is here. A time for going out, doing things and having fun. Fun. That’s a word I haven’t heard in a while. I’ve spent so long enclosed in my own cave, I feel like I’ve almost forgotten what fun is. Fun means different things for different people.

For some it’s sitting at home enjoying a book, watching a movie or playing video games. For others, its playing sports, hanging out and causing trouble. For me, I don’t know. I’ve spent so long staying indoors with my head firmly in study mode I don’t know what I would call ‘fun’.

Its like I decided to place myself a box and then hid it somewhere, only to forget where I put it.

I’m glad summer is here. I know I’m not the only one, but this summer needs to be one for self-discovery and self-healing. As soppy as that sounds, I’ve forgotten who I am and I so desperately need to find out who that is so I can focus on something to be strong and driven in the future.

We all try and take leaps, but only ever trip and fall.

Now is the time for taking steps. One small shuffle at a time, we are taking back our lives from the rule of exam season and learning what it means to live and have fun.

Whether that involves making mistakes or tough times, all we can do is press on and hope that in the end, we will find peace.

Exams are over.

The stress is gone.

Happiness is key.

Luke Hammond

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Scribo ergo sum ~ I study Marketing and write things. Oh, and I’m a bit of a nerd.