1/12/15

There is so much frustration and anger loading in my heart because a person refuses to have a conversation. A one sided communication is not a conversation. Why do you not listen to me talk? Bitch.

The best way to live for me is to shut my mouth and act. Words cause trouble too often. Especially when poor words choices and sentences are made. Rather, I want to choose to be silent. I will listen with open ears but will not accept everything being said. I will talk with suggestions. Ideas. Observations. This is to avoid stupid confrontation which wastes time.

The decisions I make are for myself. If those decisions happen to benefit others, that’d be great. But I cannot override myself from being a priority. Therefore I must be cold with logic, ruthless with sense, and bold with assertiveness. There will be appropriate times for feelings. I cannot feel myself to better living conditions. I have to will myself to aggressively push towards richer opportunities.

I must not give up hope on my passions. I must not. That is my ultimate self-discipline. For what reason am I stubbornly protecting them? Because its so big a part of me. If they don’t exist, I don’t exist. I don’t have to explain this to people. I just need to know it myself. In this country, you have to learn a skill and master a specialty. Find it, develop it, and make it yours.

Stay still. Move. Think. Don’t Think. Breathe.