My Namesake

I was named after Jenny’s granddaughter, my aunt Margie’s second and youngest child. It’s weird to write of Lisa in the past tense. Memories have a funny way of filling a person with equal parts joy and sadness.

I remember the day Lisa decided to move far away. We went to Margie’s house that Saturday. It was our weekly tradition. Something was very different but I couldn’t figure what it was. Then, as I circled the living room for maybe the tenth time, I realized that all the pictures of me were gone.

Margie was with my mom in the kitchen speaking quietly (odd, very odd) over coffee. I took my place at the table and waited for my serving (a drop of coffee in lots of milk. I was around 8years old.) There was a pause in their conversation which I took advantage of and asked if the picture frames were being cleaned. Margie angrily lept to her feet and my mom whispered to me, “Lisa’s moving away…far away.”

Lisa hadn’t lived at home for some time and visited every so often. She was moving away (possibly with the boyfriend nobody approved of) but before leaving, she said her goodbyes and swiped all the photos of me that were at the house. They belonged to her (they didn’t) because I belonged to her. I felt incredibly loved.

If someone named their child after me, I would feel a certain ownership/entitlement over that child as well. Silly, yes, but a nobody doesn’t become a namesake. There is a weightiness involved on both sides. One has the responsibility of example and the other has an expectation to live to a certain standard. I’m finally getting close to that standard.

Lisa died October 1, 2015. I’ve been struggling to write my thoughts since then. I didn’t cry. It’s not me. I did, however, put my favorite lipstick on and wore my best before heading out. I added a touch of rum to my coffee that morning (she would’ve gotten a kick out of that) and didn’t sleep for following 36 hours.

Everyone mourns differently. I made sure I looked the part expected of me by her. And as promised, Lisa’s name will be the first on the guest list to my book release. She told me she’d make it anyway possible.