If you need reasons…and the reasons for circles.
I’m a disappointment to everyone including those I love most.
I am taking my husband on the downward slide with me.
I am useless, I can’t figure out how to make life better.
I am worthless, no one can see any worth through the lines in my face.
I have become someone I don’t recognize.
I can only cry in, not out.
It’s hard to be successful then fail to be what that was.
I’ve had heartbreak over and over again. I think I just went through the worst, and I can’t tell anyone. It was kept a secret from me for five years and now I don’t even know how to process the grief.
I sought help and it is not helping.
I know other have it worse, that doesn’t help.
I have up days and then I am right back down again.
Down down down.
If you need reasons these are some of them.
These are reasons to have empathy. Because for some of us, hope is a far reaching goal.
I am not going to harm myself. Really truly, it would have to get much worse than this. This is just a late night thought process. This is what it truly feels like…sad sadder saddest.
*edit 6/2/16. This was just my thought process on that particular night, I mean life gets to all of us right? I had just seen a you tube video from Kandee Johnson about how we are not alone when we are depressed, and I know I am not, but loneliness takes many forms. The Internet has given us a bigger and sometimes meaner world to live in and that can feel so bad. So much sadness in the world, I’m a tiny drop out there and I do have a grateful list. My circle.
My circle so to say…
My wonderful Husband Adam who holds on to me so tightly and never lets go even when I am down, my children who let me still be a mother even though the mother years have long passed, my Brothers who are caring and just Brothers in every good way. My sister-in-laws who bless me with their love and in return have given me their children to love. I have the worlds best set of in-laws a girl could hope to have in her life. I even have a few million cousins who are out there and I know are supportive, all I would have to do is ask.
Life isn’t so bad, it just gets you down at times, and that is the thing with life, the downs always come. It seems never ending as you age, but we have our circles of family and friends who we can count on when we are in need.
There is so much love in my heart thanks to the beautiful people who surround me. I suspect if you are reading this you are probably one of those people.
( and if by chance you don’t know me, please consider my good intentions and my best wishes for a happy and fulfilling life in your circle)